So I Said to Myself

winter

2011-02-12T14:57:00.005-05:00

Winter in Michigan.

Mid February and it seems like it is never going to come to an end. Even though I take every supplement in the book to fight it, it brings me down. I need the sun. I crave the warmth.

But today my spirits were lifted. We escaped the confines of this house to enjoy some time outside. The sun was shining and even though the temps are barely getting over 20 degrees it feels like a heatwave when it has been in the negatives for so many weeks. I woke up this morning to songbirds. They seem to have come back so that means it isn't too much longer and we will feel the warmth again.

the perils of potty training

2010-11-08T12:59:00.005-05:00

I don't really like the term "potty training". It sounds so harsh. But I don't know what else to call it so potty training it is.

There are so many methods to accomplish your goal. Pee and Poop in the toilet instead of a diaper. Everyone accomplishes this goal differently as every kid and ever parent is different so obviously you have to do what is best for you.

Here's what has worked for us. Did I mention Lucy has been diaper free during the day for over 2 weeks? woohoo! yea! So all that second-guessing myself in my parenting abilities might have been wrong after all!

We've actually been "potty training" unofficially for about 6 months. Sometime before Lucy's second birthday I bought some little potties and seats to set on the big potties and started sitting her on them before and after naps, before and after bedtime, and randomly throughout the day. Sometimes she would read a book, sometimes she wouldn't want to sit there, and sometimes she would magically pee. That was reward time. Her choice was a jelly bean.

So it became a bit of a routine. No pressure. Just something we did throughout the day.

Then a few weeks ago we decided that we would take her diaper off for the day, set her on the potty more often and see how it went. It wasn't really planned, we just decided that morning as we had kind of a quiet weekend (finally) and would be home quite a bit. She had 2 accidents that morning but quickly caught on and went on the potty every time after that. That evening we were watching a movie with Lucy was sitting between us on the couch. About halfway through she said these magical words, "dad, mom, I have to go potty". I almost melted. She got it!

Because she hasn't quite figured out for sure if something needs to come out, something is coming out, or if it is just a toot, I have set up a little potty station in the kitchen. Oh, and we had a lesson in pulling down your own pants so that mommy doesn't have to come over every 5 seconds to put you on the potty when it is just a toot. I am also learning to not be embarrassed when we are in public and she announces "Mom, I have a big poop coming out!" Or a term my wonderful husband taught her "Mom, I need to lay a big brown egg!"

So it hasn't been totally smooth sailing for the past two weeks. I had to get over my paranoia about leaving the house with her in panties instead of that diaper that soaks all of that gross stuff up. She's been fine. I've been fine. She actually likes going into public bathrooms, making a nest out of a toilet paper and having mommy hover her over the potty. It's like a fun adventure.

Here's the only problem I've faced so far. Leaving her in a setting where there are a bunch of other kids and only a couple of caretakers. For example: I go to a tuesday morning bible study and she is in child care, we have MOPS meetings ever other thursday and she is in child care, and she goes into the nursery every sunday morning. I would have never understood until I worked in the nursery for the first time this sunday morning. It is nearly impossible to get the potty trainers taken care of. It is nearly impossible to keep them all happy while keeping your own sanity in there. (child care was obviously not my calling in life) I doubt if Lucy is ready to speak up to a stranger to tell them that she needs to go. We'll work through it.

So, all in all I would consider this past few weeks a success. I totally expect to hit a few bumps in the road along the way (read: peeing on the floor at Rudy's market). They happen. I'm learning to go with the flow, have back up clothes and not stress out about accidents.

I deserve a treat.

Candy Coma

2010-11-02T13:06:00.006-04:00

I've always loved halloween. Even more now that I've got a little girl that is so excited to dress up in her little costume! Once she got the hang of running up to the door, saying "trick or treat" and then someone hands you CANDY! She was pretty excited. We were working on her saying thankyou but instead she would hold the candy up and ask the candy-giver "WHAT'S THIS"? She wanted to know what each individual piece was before it went into her little bag. Sigh.

Lucy decided long ago that she wanted to be Ming Ming the duck from Wonderpets. She was determined. Until her duck costume came in the mail and I tried it on her and she was certain to never put that costume back on. So she decided that being a super kitty / wonderpet would be her costume of choice. Two is fun.

We also spent the day doing fun things like making pumpkin cookies, pumpkin pancakes and dancing to Michael Jackson's "Thriller.

miracles

2010-10-26T13:57:00.003-04:00

Do I believe in miracles?

I know this might be a bit heavy for this silly little blog but it is what is on my mind (a lot lately, actually) and It's my blog so I can talk about whatever I want.

I got to go to Bible study this morning. I never pictured myself as the go-to-bible-study-during-the-morning-on-tuesdays kind of a girl but here I am. Going to a ladies Bible study on tuesday morning as long as I'm not at work which has actually worked out pretty well (which might be a miracle in it's self).

We had a special speaker this morning. The pastor of the church where the bible study is held. I basically haven't stopped tearing up since he spoke. He told the story of his mom passing away. He was 12 when she was diagnosed with cancer, watched her suffer through surgeries and treatments until the doctors told them that there was nothing left they could do. She went home with the expectation to die in two years. She didn't die in two years. Actually, the cancer went away. The doctor called it a miracle. God answered the prayers of many and performed a miracle on her. She went on to live for 17 more years, saw both of her sons get married and then the cancer came back and she was gone within six months.

So of course this got me thinking about my own mom's passing (hence the tears). I've never really thought of my mother passing away as a miracle. I've been so focused on not having my mother (more now than ever since I've had my own little girl). But then it hit me. My mother nearly lost her life when I was only two. I would have never known her. I was given 8 more years with her. I got to know her and I have the most amazing memories of her. Praise God!

It is so easy to be negative, down, frustrated. Why me, God? If you are in control then why would you let this happen? Why would you let my father raise us on his own? Why would my mother never get to meet her granddaughter?

But I do believe that my God is in control. With my human mind I can't even imagine what He has planned for me or for us. But he let me know my mother and have time with her.

And she was amazing. And she is in heaven. And I will see her again.

Lucyisms

2010-09-11T07:52:00.006-04:00

Dear little miss personality,

I can't believe some of the things that come out of your mouth. You keep us on our toes, little girl. Here a glimpse of you at just about 27 months.

You love to pretend that a deer is coming to get you. You shout "there's a deer over there!", scream and run away telling me that you're scared of deer. I have no idea where this came from. You have also told me on several occasions that deer eat people.

You have a very sensitive nose and gag reflex. Not a great combination for a little girl. You won't eat dinner if Winston is near because you say "he's gross". When we go to the farm every week to pick up are vegetables you gag the whole time we're in the barn.

You love the cartoon Wonderpets. You can sing the entire theme song. Very loudly sometimes. You run around saving baby animals with your flyboat that your daddy got for you. And when I asked you what you wanted to dress up as for Halloween you quickly responded "ming ming". I didn't even know that you knew about dressing up for halloween. Then you told me that daddy will be Linny and Mommy will be Tuck. Great, I can't wait to see your daddy and I as a guinea pig and a turtle.

You love to go to church. I think mostly because the nursery is stocked with lots of trucks and car toys. You love trucks, cars, tractors, etc. You get very excited to drive through a construction zone with tractors all around and you can even name what each one is. "Hey mom, there's a steam roller." "Hey mom, there's a gravel hauler."

You love sour food. Especially lemons and vinegar.

You still love your pink blanket. You would drag that thing around with you eveywhere if you could.

You are starting to interact more with your friends. At the park, you and Lena were making up little games. If you see other children you get excited to "go play with the kids".

You talk about yourself in third person. "Lucy wants to go outside", "Lucy wants you pink blanket", "Lucy gagged". I'm not really sure how to teach you me and I instead of Lucy and your. It's just too cute. You also sometimes call me honey. I must call you honey sometimes so you will say something like "whatcha doing, honey?". So cute.

oh my, summer, where have you gone?

2010-08-08T22:31:00.006-04:00

my dear, neglected blog, we need to catch up!

So much has happened since I saw you last. I almost forgot my password to update you! yikes.

Soooo (drum roll please) here's what's been going on!

Lucy turned 2!

We celebrated at Independence Park on father's day (and the day of Lucy's actual birthday). It was a lovely day and the best part was seeing Lucy enjoy her day so much. She had been practicing blowing out her candles for weeks and when you asked her what she wanted for her birthday, she would reply "birthday cake". That's my girl.

Dena and Dave came for a visit all the way from Australia. It was great spending time with them! Lucy had so much fun playing with her aunt Dena and Uncle Dave while they stayed with us.

Unfortunately, we lost a family member. Meeka the cat had to be put to sleep. He developed a bad ear hemotoma and at his old age, the decision was made to not put him through surgery.

Mostly we've been spending our time trying to soak up as much of summer as we can. I know these long, hot days aren't going to last for long so we are making the best of them! We've been swimming as much as possible, going to the spray park, going on long walks at the park, avoiding our own yard because of the nasty mosquitos, but spending most of our days outside. I love summer and I can see that Lucy is a much happier little girl when we get to spend much of our time out in the fresh air.

And last of all, I got dreadlocks. I know, crazy, right? I will write more on that later. It's hard to get into the whole reason as to why I would want to stop combing my hair and have knots all over my head but I have my reasons which I will be happy to explain!

Dear Lucy

2010-05-20T21:20:00.004-04:00

I am torn. I want to write every moment down that we are experiencing together. But we are so busy living that it's hard to find the time to sit down and write about it. You are changing so fast and every day is something new, something cute you are saying or doing and I don't want to forget even a single moment. But I'm not good at keeping track of it all. I savor these times with you. Spring finally came this week, the weather is beautiful and we have been outside almost every minute of it.

Here are a few tidbits from today...

Today was great. We spent all morning at the park with our moms and tot's group. You ran around without stopping for a full two hours. After a while you told me that you were hungry so we left to come home for lunch. You chatted about our time at the park while you were eating, remembering the baby ducks and the baby swans and the tractor. You have become such a great little talker. I love hearing you tell me what's on your mind. I love the way you pause between your thoughts and words like you're really concentrating on what you're trying to say. After your nap we went to another park to go for a jog in your stroller. You sang and talked the whole time. We came home to cook dinner, you played quietly and colored the whole time I was cooking. Your daddy got home just before we started to eat (which rarely happens). After dinner, you wanted to play outside so you helped your daddy take out the trash and water the new grass seeds he had planted. You ran as fast as you could down the driveway the whole time screaming "Lucy's running". Then you came back in and wanted to watch the movie Cars (again). So you cuddled up next to me and watched it for almost a whole 15 minutes. While you were sitting still I noticed that your head smelled like sunshine. I told your dad so he came over for a sniff and he thought it smelled exactly like sunshine.

You then asked to to to bed (I am fully aware how lucky I am that you love to sleep). I took you upstairs, you peed on the potty, brushed your teeth, and then daddy came up to say goodnight. You got really giggly and ran all around upstairs screaming and laughing and playing with your daddy. You laid right down and fell asleep but woke up a little later. I heard you on the monitor saying "Lucy need blanket" so I went up to help you. You had your favorite blanket but wanted another one so I put that one in there with you. Then you saw another blanket and said "and that one too. And pillows". So I put in the third blanket and found your pillows.

I love you more everyday, sweetiepie.

The Lesser Sex

2010-05-09T21:55:00.005-04:00

Note to self: never google "the lesser sex". yikes.

It's hard being a woman at times. For example...Home Depot. Seriously, I have had so many bad experiences there as a woman that I've sworn off returning so many times.

But I found myself there again today. I needed 2x4's. Quite a lot of 2x4's. Among other things, but the wood was the only item that I needed help with. So I perused the lumber area. Searching for that orange vested person to help me out, feeling ignored and intimidated. Finally I found a young man to assist me. He seemed annoyed. He seemed like the type of person who was generally annoyed most of the time. Even with the attitude he was actually very helpful. He got my 2x4's, 4x4's and even took the time to cut seven of the 12 footers to help me out. So nice. So he annoyingly dragged my stuff to the counter and said "well, there you go". I think that was the first thing he said to me for the whole 30 minutes he had just spent with me.

I paid for my wood and then considered how difficult it was going to be for me to get that to my van. hmmm. So the annoyed-looking cashier, seeing the expression on my face, said she would call for someone to assist me. During my one hour (or longer) stay at home depot I heard over the speaker several times about what carts to use with what you are purchasing and then asking for assistance with getting heavy items to your car. Sounded nice. So I waited for my assistance. For another 30 minutes. Ms. Cashier Lady seemed to have forgotten that I was in need of assistance (even though I was blocking her checkout line and the exit door with my large amount of 2x4's). So I decided that I could do it myself. I'm a strong woman. I don't need any help from any man. ROAR.

I left my cart of wood and got pulled my van around to the contractor pickup. As soon as I started wheeling that heavy cart out the door I knew I was a bit over my head. I'm no weakling but, seriously, the cart was awkward and weighed like 500 pounds. But I was determined now. So I pushed on smashing into a few things as I went and pinning myself between the cart and the door on the way out. But I, of course, pretended that I knew exactly what I was doing. I got the cart to the van and started loading up the wood. I was about 2 boards in when I noticed someone watching me. Awkward. It was a man who had just finished loading up his giant truck with stuff. He walked over, didn't say a word and started putting the 2x4's in my van. I thanked him (really, SO nice). Then he said "where's your husband" in a way that made me feel like he though my husband was a total deadbeat, sitting at home on the couch, sending his wife out to pick up 500 lbs. of 2x4's all by her self. And on mother's day (**gasp**).! He said "It's Mother's Day, You should be at home relaxing or at the spa." hmmm. So I explained that my husband was at home working on a project that was totally my idea (painting our bedroom) while I went out to pick up wood for another project that was also all my idea (new chicken run).

This mother's day really was the best. I got to spend a lot of time with my little girl and my husband. I got to paint my bedroom (getting stuff done in the house ALWAYS makes me happy). I could have done without that trip to Home Depot BUT I have all the stuff I need to get my chicken run finished this week. Ah, the things that make me happy :)

Proud parenting moment #114

2010-04-29T14:26:00.003-04:00

I can't believe I'm going to write a whole post on this topic. OH, the things that make me happy now that I'm a mom. But it is a BIG deal. Lucy pooped on the potty today! This girl has decided over the past couple of weeks to potty train herself (thank God because I sure as heck don't know what I'm doing). She's been telling me often that she needs to go pee, grabbing my hand and leading me to the toilet. So I put her on it, she does her business, gets very excited to wipe and flush, we wash hands and she gets her jelly bean. Sometime she even wants to try to go just to get a jelly bean. (I think I have a sugar addict on my hands).

Yesterday she had just peed, got her jelly bean, and asked to go again. I put her on there and she was crying, trying to push out a little pee and crying "JELLY BEAN". It was so sweet and pitiful all at once.

I wasn't sure if pooping on the potty would come very easy for her. She has a difficult time with it often, dealing with constipation issues since she was a teeny tiny baby. But today it just happened, she did it like she's been doing it for years. I was getting her ready for her nap and she told me she had to go poopy. So I asked her if she wanted to sit on the potty and she said "ok". We went in there, she sat down and just went. She was so excited to see it flush away. It is amazing to see her learn and grow up. It's also a little bittersweet. She's not a baby anymore.

Saturdays are for Pancakes

2010-04-26T13:13:00.007-04:00

Lucy and her daddy have a started a saturday morning tradition. Pancakes. What's not to love? I get a yummy, carbified breakfast made for me and I get to watch these two enjoying their time together. Lucy is getting really good at mixing up the batter and telling daddy that when you see bubbles it's time to flip them. She is so excited to be able to help out. Of course she makes a huge mess but, you know what? It really doesn't matter. I'm not going to look back and remember how much pancake batter I had to scrape off of the floor. I'm going to remember these two. I'm going to remember these lazy saturday mornings when we have nothing to do but spend time together making pancakes.

I love today

2010-04-15T09:30:00.003-04:00

It's 9:30 am. I'm sitting here with my little girl cuddled up next to me while I catch up on some stuff and she watches Handy Manny. We are both in tank tops because the weather man told me that it will be 80 degrees today. The sun is pouring in the windows (which are already all opened up), the dog is snoring with his big head rested on my foot. I am in heaven.

My day started with my hubby asking if I was going to go downstairs and work out with him. With the sun already blinding me, I couldn't come up with any excuses. So I did a little run on the treadmill, some situps on the ball and lots of squats. Then I came upstairs, got my coffee going and had a bowl of cereal on the porch. Miss Lucy was still sound asleep.

I am in a good place today. I am happy. I am so inspired and motivated. A good combination that will make for a good day. I love today.

you got a what?

2010-04-11T20:47:00.004-04:00

I've gotten two very distinct reactions from people when the subject of acquiring a flock of chickens comes up. Either I get "oooh, I love chickens!! I would love to get some myself! Fresh eggs are great!" or I get **blank stare** "You got WHAT? Why would you do that?".

So here is a brief explanation of why we have chickens.

If you know me at all you know that food is very important to me. I think about it a lot. I love it. It makes me happy. What makes me even happier is fresh, just picked, local, organic and the best of all...home grown or home raised. I feel very passionately about, whenever possible, knowing where my food comes from. I feel nearly giddy thinking about the farmers market opening this summer. Being able to see the actual person growing the food, listening to them talk passionately about their plants like they are members of the family, knowing that that food didn't spend days or weeks on a truck or airplane to get to me, knowing that it was picked the day before or even that morning. Ahhh, bliss.

It is important for me to teach my daughter this as well. I grew up in a place where having gardens and small farms was the norm. I remember my uncle, who lived behind us, had a small chicken coop and a beautiful vegetable garden. We would go over there, pick beans, and go home to cook them for dinner. I don't want Lucy to think that food comes from the grocery store. I want her to experience the thrill of growing it yourself and eating it fresh off of the vine.

In a perfect world, I would live on a 50 acre farm and grow or raise most of the food we eat. That isn't possible at this point (I won't say it will never happen because, hey, ya never know) but there are few things I can do to get a little closer to knowing where my food is coming from. One easy way I have found is raising chickens. We were lucky enough to move to a pretty rural area where many people around us have small vegetable gardens and a small flock of chickens. But there has been a great number of people who are able to have a couple of hens in the city. The previous owners of our house also kept chickens and left their portable chicken coop. I'm in the process of getting a more permanent run built off of our shed as well but for now the ladies are loving getting out in the chicken tractor on sunny afternoons.

They're still little now but I am so looking forward to those fresh eggs that will be coming this fall. We got them 3 weeks ago as day old chicks. I chose a small variety...two Araucanas (aka easter-eggers because they lay colored eggs) and two black cochin bantams (not great egg layers but they stay little and have funny feathered feet). And nothing beats fresh eggs. I mean, like, go out to the coop in the morning, pick up your eggs and go inside to make an omlette. Um, yea, that's fresh.

Here's some pics of the ladies...

Easter Weekend

2010-04-09T10:28:00.005-04:00

And what a great weekend it was! It is pretty rare that we get 70's and sunny on easter in Michigan. I remember many Easter sunday's growing up with several inches of snow on the ground, with a big winter coat covering up my pastel summery dress.

On Saturday we spent the afternoon coloring eggs at Nona and Papa's house (this is what Lucy calls Jimmy's dad and Sandy). She had so much fun and was really into it this year. We left with way too many boiled, colored eggs and Lucy with a dark green colored right hand. Sunday was church and then a big dinner with my aunt, grandma and Jimmy's mom and Tom. We even got a quick visit from Kari and Joey, Auntie and Uncle Bob and we got to meet our new little cousin Ryan!

chatterbox

2010-04-06T09:31:00.004-04:00

Wow, this girl can talk. She has so much to say that even if she can't find the words she makes them up into her own language. I often find her "reading" her books to herself, using great emphasis where she feels the story needs it. Last night I put her in her stroller for a long walk and she talked for the full hour we were out. Again, not all real words but she was telling me some pretty funny stories.

here's her lunchtime chatter...

and her driving chatter...

Lucy's first ponytail

2010-03-14T11:10:00.002-04:00

While miss Lucy is ahead in so many ways there is one area that she is lacking. The hair department. She still gets people stopping her to say what a cute little guy she is. I mean, c'mon, she's in ALL PINK. I don't even bother to correct them anymore. While all of her other 20 month old friends have been sporting pigtails for months now, she is still nearly bald. But, slowly it is starting to come in. On friday she found a little pack of ponytail holders and asked me to put one on her. So I did. Here is the result...

Even Winston had to come by to see what this was all about...

so ridiculously cute

Emptiness

2010-03-10T13:30:00.005-05:00

I don't want to be one of those people who goes through a tough time, becomes jaded and isn't happy for others.

I am truly happy for all my expecting mom friends. And literally 80% of my friends are pregnant right now. Or maybe it just seems that way. So many are due in late July or early August...the same time that I would have been due. I keep hearing the updates about doctor visits, ultrasounds, hearing the heartbeat, feeling the baby move for the first time, etc. I should be experiencing these things. Instead, I'm left with a strange empty feeling. Anyone who has had a baby or lost a baby knows that feeling. I remember after I had Lucy feeling such a sense of relief to not be so full of baby. I could move freely, bend over to tie my shoes, walk without waddling, but I also felt empty. I missed having her move around, the constant comfort that she was safely tucked away inside of my womb. It wasn't a something I thought much about because the emptiness was replaced with a baby constantly in my arms.

The thing is, I'm not even really sad when I have this thought on my mind. It's just a strange feeling. Like something should be happening and it isn't. I just feel a bit like I'm missing out on something. I would be finding out soon what the sex would be. And in my heart I knew "it" was a she.

I am finally starting to feel like trying again. Yes, I will be a paranoid mess throughout the whole pregnancy.

This is kind of a downer of a post. I seriously don't feel sad at all. My heart is so full of joy right now with how amazing my husband and my little Lucy are. Spring is (feeling like it is) here and I have this weight lifted off of my shoulders that the dark, snowy weather brings on me. Spending time outside, the fresh air, having the windows open and being inspired to do so many things that just seemed like too much of a hassle during the long winter months. Even Lucy has become so much happier this week. She feels it too.

A hint of spring

2010-03-09T13:00:00.004-05:00

It looks like work ended for me yesterday for a while. I spent last night fretting over getting back in the swing of things here at home. I mean, really, it's only been 3 weeks. Snap out of it. I love being here with my sweetie...it's just hard to fill the days sometimes and keep her happy and make myself accomplish enough to feel like I am deserving of being home. Sounds silly, right? Welcome to mom guilt.

Thankfully, the sun is shining and it's quite a bit warmer. Just enough to make feel overwhelmingly motivated.

And here's how our day started. Breakfast with daddy at Lucy's tiny table...

Lucy and I got ready for the day and headed out to whole foods. Everything seems like fun when it's nice outside. Even grocery shopping. After we were done, we loaded up the groceries and decided to walk to Starbucks. Whole foods is attached to a little outdoor mall so we walked around, enjoying the fresh air, played in the little playground and just enjoyed the quiet morning.

I think this afternoon we will be going to the park for a jog. We'll see how well I do running outside pushing a jogging stroller....it's been a while!

taking a break (aka working)

2010-03-03T08:20:00.000-05:00

I'm a working mom. At least for a few weeks.

I have to admit, I feel a little guilty about being excited to go back to work for a bit. I certainly didn't quit to stay home with Lucy because I didn't like my job. In fact, I love my job. I love what I do. I love being creative. I love the pressure of getting a job done in an unrealistic, short time frame. Ok, I don't always love that part but, in general, I love what I do.

Mostly, I love being handed something and knowing exactly how to finish that task. There's a bit of calm in having confidence in what I'm doing. At work I don't fret about doing it right, or what to do next, or if I'm going to make a mistake and screw up a little person. (gotta love mom guilt). Yea, the mom job is the most important and challenging of all.

I have never felt so completely inadequate to perform a job as I do at this job of being a mother.

In the past, the thought crossed my mind that stay at home moms kind of had it easy. I mean, how hard can changing diapers, making lunches and playing with crayons and play-doh really be? I figured that, perhaps, stay at home moms didn't really have or want a careen to begin with (I know, that's a pretty ridiculous generalization). Oh boy, was I wrong. Many of the women that I know who have decided to stay at home have really toiled over this decision. Many are hard working, good money making, well educated women. This isn't an easy decision. Some women are called to be a full time mom early on. Some make the decision after realizing that juggling the two are too much to handle (like me). And some, I don't know how these super women do it, keep working. I continue to be impressed with women who have little ones at home and work. Two full time jobs.

But even though I have enjoyed these few weeks back at work, I am completely certain that I have made the right decision. When I'm away I feel like I am missing so much. These moments are flying by and it is hard to pay someone else to enjoy these moments instead of me.

sugar and spice

2010-02-28T21:44:00.002-05:00

I'm convinced. Little girls are so much fun. At just over 20 months my little sweetie's girly side is really coming out. She loves to pretend to cook, picks out her own shoes, rifles through her clothes and exclaims "cute!", and is thrilled when I paint her fingernails pink.

Last weekend we took a little trip to Ikea to pick out a table and chairs for her. She is having so much fun having little chairs that fit her perfectly. Her favorite is having her snack at her little table, coloring with her crayons on her little table and wiping down her table with a wet towel. Seriously, this girl asks for a wet towel a dozen times a day and runs around cleaning every surface she can find (including the dogs).

Oh, and I had some nearly rotten bananas lying around so I made banana bread. It was, by far, the best banana bread I have ever made! Here's the recipe...

Banana Bread

INGREDIENTS
4 very ripe bananas, smashed
1/3 cup melted butter
3/4 cup sugar
1 egg, beaten
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon orange extract
1 teaspoon baking soda
Pinch of salt
3/4 cup whole wheat flour
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup chopped walnuts + some to sprinkle on top

Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C). With a wooden spoon, mix butter into the mashed bananas in a large mixing bowl. Mix in the sugar, egg, and vanilla. Sprinkle the baking soda and salt over the mixture and mix in. Add the flour last, mix. Sprinkle a few walnuts on top (I also added a bit of brown sugar for some extra yumminess). Pour mixture into a buttered 4x8 inch loaf pan. Bake for (about) 1 hour. Cool on a rack. Remove from pan and slice to serve.

even better with some butter...

2009 according to my iphone

2010-02-14T15:18:00.003-05:00

I remember when this gadget called the iphone was first announced. I overheard someone say that it was going to change the world. I scoffed at the original $600 price tag. I mean $600 for a phone? Sheesh. And then they came out. And all of my nerdy coworkers stood in line to get theirs. And then the price dropped. So I finally joined the bandwagon.

I still have my first generation iphone. Not 3G, not 3Gs, just a regular ole iphone. And I can't live without it. I feel, well, connected when I have it. My email, internet, camera, many many fun apps that have kept me busy (or wasted my time) and it even works as a phone.

The other thing about always having this handy gadget on me is the camera. I have a camera with me at all times. I don't have to lug around my Nikon or even my little casio point and shoot. I always have a camera with me. So here's a little sampling of what my iphone helped me to record when I didn't have my camera with me...

you can view it (slightly) larger here...

Three Days in Hawaii

2010-02-12T15:47:00.005-05:00

rested.

It's so easy to get bogged down with the daily routines, the short days, not enough sunlight and feeling a bit closed in. This time of year seems to just drag. I try to tell myself that I like a bit of hibernation but really, I don't. I want to go outside, go for a walk with Lucy, Winston and Ellie, and wear flip flops without freezing my toes off. I don't want to shovel any more snow. I no longer think it is pretty. I just felt, well, drained.

And then I got three lovely days in a magical place called Hawaii. I was somewhat dreading Jimmy being away for work for 12 days again. Time drags when he's away. I have to fight to fill our days and keep us busy but by 6 or 7 pm I am just done. I was so lucky to be able to break up his time away by visiting him and also getting some much needed rest for myself.

The flights were long and I am in a near panic most of them (I really don't like flying) but it was so worth it. The first morning I was there I got to have some alone time. By alone, I mean just me. Alone. I got up early (the 5 hour difference between here and there makes that easy) and had breakfast with my hubby and his client in the hotel restaurant. Then I was on my own. I went for a long walk down by the beach, in the shopping areas and spent some time just sitting in silence with my toes in the sand listening to the waves. If you are a mom, you know how rare and precious alone time is.

Over the next couple of days we did some fun stuff, trying to soak up as much of Hawaii in as we could in such a short time. We went hiking up to the Manoa Falls, hiked up Diamondhead, drove to the North Shore to watch the big waves and the amazingly brave sufers on those big waves, at at some yummy restaurants, spent some time on Waikiki beach, and even tried paddleboarding (which looks way easier than it is).

I came back home feeling a little more relaxed, calmer and centered. My brain needed a little time away from the everyday. My skin needed some sun. I needed to enjoy some time outside without my long North Face coat on. Jimmy and I needed some time alone to just have fun.

ramblings of a stay at home mom

2010-01-29T12:56:00.002-05:00

Today I vacuumed the vacuum. I might be losing my mind.

It's been a bit of a slow week. Generally I have a lot of stuff planned for myself and for Lucy and I to do during the week. I usually have some kind of freelance work to do during her nap times and in the evenings...between Armstrong White, the GM project that has been coming in in spurts over the past 5 years, and now the stationary design company, there is usually something going on. But this week...nothing. And my social calendar wasn't much to be proud of either. Everyone must be in hibernation. Oh, and Jimmy has been working late every night making the days feel so much longer. I keep dreaming about springtime when the weather is warmer and we can spend some time at the park or going for walks in our neighborhood. Oh, but it is still cold and snowy and dark.

Every monday I put together a list of chores for myself to do that week. I finished my entire list on Monday afternoon. Of course there are always things I could do to keep myself productive and busy but motivation was a factor this week. And I was feeling a bit sorry for myself from the past few weeks events.

So, getting myself out of the dulldrums and trying to look at the brightside, here are the good things that happened this week...

1. Lucy stopped using bottles. There was a voice in the back of my head telling me it was time to give them up and it was. She hasn't even noticed. She still falls asleep in record time for both her naps and her bedtime.

2. I had bloodwork done on Monday and my beta levels (pregnancy hormone) had dropped to 270. Last week it was at 11,000. It needs to get down to zero but obviously it is on it's way there.

3. I have the most amazing, supportive friends. I got so many encouraging emails, cards, flowers, etc. this past week! You guys are the best!!

4. I got to level 3 on super mario brothers. Total waste of time but really fun. And Lucy loves to watch the "cartoon".

5. I got a label maker in the mail yesterday...ordered from amazon from a left over gift card from my birthday. I know, I'm a dork. I love making labels and getting things organized!

6. I booked a flight to HAWAII!!!!!! Jimmy will be out there for work and I am joining him for a long weekend. Just thinking about being in the sun gives me a whole new perspective on life!

In Praise of Telling Too Soon

2010-01-25T15:42:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine sent me a link to this article on Mothering.com this morning and it really touched me. I can't say how happy I am that I told so many people about our pregnancy. I had so much love and support over the past couple of weeks. My friends and family and even some that I barely know really helped me through this tough time!

By Katie Silberman
Web Exclusive, January 28, 2008

That thing they warn you about: it happened to me. I got pregnant. I was thrilled. I told a bunch of family and friends—and then I lost the baby in my second month. I had to untell a whole lot of people. That story was swirling around in my head. You know the one. The one "They" always say about how you're "not supposed to tell people too soon."

I always hated that one. I hated it when my sister would whisper that her friends were pregnant, and then warn me, "...they're not telling people yet." It seemed so negative and scardey-cat to me. I always swore that when I got pregnant, I'd tell the whole world.

Well, I did (practically). And it was great. I got the most wonderful responses, full of excitement and anticipation and appreciation for my husband Bryan and me. We had a great two months—it was fun when my clothes started not to fit; it was fun when my husband had to go out at night and get me ginger ale, just like in the stories. We even got a few cards and gifts.

Then we went for our first OB appointment. The doctor saw the baby on the ultrasound, but she could not detect the heartbeat. "I think your baby has died," she said. The words didn't even sink in. My husband and I are pretty optimistic people—it truly had not even occurred to either one of us that the baby might not be okay. When we finally registered what she had said, the news was crushing; it was devastating; I felt like a balloon had been popped.

Any loss can surely be utterly distressing, painful and sad. What seemed different about this particular loss, besides the fact that it was happening to us (this wasn't supposed to happen!!!), is that when I was pregnant I was coming from a place of such elation. It wasn't just normal life—it was flying high, excitement, euphoria, anticipation. And then the crash. The distance to fall seemed farther—the chasm between zenith and nadir more vast.

That's where "in praise of telling people too soon" came in. My husband and I were crushed with grief and disappointment. All I wanted to do was to lay on the couch in my bathrobe all day (sometimes Bryan would gently inquire around 4 o'clock in the afternoon whether I wanted to get dressed. I would scowl at him and say no.) Not up to talking on the phone, I sent out an email message to my friends and family briefly explaining what happened. Along with "untelling," I explained that I did not much feel like receiving calls. We were inundated with caring replies, and reading the messages that poured back in was all I felt like doing those few weeks. Bryan smiled that every time I checked my email, tears rolled down my cheeks as I was touched by the waves of support from the people who loved us, recognized what we were going through, and offered us their kindness. If we had not had the outpouring of care and support from our friends and family, I am certain that couch-laying phase would have lasted a lot longer than it did.

The thing about miscarriage that I most feared was that it seemed so invisible. I hadn't really looked pregnant yet; the baby was just a tiny thing (the size of a raspberry, the books said). With the code of secrecy surrounding the "don't tell too early" story, there did seem to be a residual sense of shame about what was happening; as though it should be kept in the realm of women's maladies that happen "down there," in the dark, that we're not allowed to talk about. But I knew that something real had happened to me; it was not invisible.

If I had kept my pregnancy and miscarriage a secret, if I had bought the shame story, then I would not have been real. I can't even imagine having to fake it with the most important people in my life: to pretend that nothing was wrong, during one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life. That, to me, seems much more traumatic than having to "untell" and then tell the people who love you that you could use a little love and support. And then let them give it.

Katie Silberman is Associate Director of the Science & Environmental Health Network, a national non-profit organization. Katie and her husband live in St. Louis, MO with their very busy toddler, Lincoln.

our miscarriage story - part 4 - moving on

2010-01-20T14:23:00.004-05:00

It is finally over. I had very mixed emotions last night after it happened but I woke up this morning feeling so relieved and refreshed!

Right after Lucy woke up from her nap around 4:00 yesterday it started. I was putting laundry away and the cramping started to get bad. And then it got worse. Over the next hour or so I started getting pretty uncomfortable. I called Jimmy and he was stuck at work. Ugh. I couldn't do this alone with a toddler to take care of. I was terrified of how much it would hurt and the possibility of bleeding uncontrollably. The picture crossed my mind of Jimmy coming home and finding me lying in a pool of blood leaving Lucy left to fend for herself. SO...I called my aunt. She left almost immediately to come be with me. It took her about 30 minutes to get to my house and I was getting really miserable by the time she got there. I took some of the pain meds the doctor prescribed me and tried to relax. It felt just like labor. I was cramping almost continuously for about 2 full hours. Ouch. At one point I just wanted to be alone so I went upstairs and laid down with a heating pad. I laid there quietly for about half and hour and suddenly the pain stopped. Completely. I stood up and it all just came out. Thankfully, I was wearing a sofa-sized pad in case this happened and it caught everything. The idea of flushing it down the toilet seemed wrong so I wrapped it up in a ziploc bag. I thought I would be so grossed out and horrified seeing it but I wasn't at all. Plus I immediately felt so relieved. No pain, no more worry. I felt amazing.

I went downstairs to tell my aunt and got some much needed hugs from her. Jimmy got home just a few minutes later. We got to talk about everything. I thought I would be much more sad but I think the grieving process had happened for the most part when I found out. Together we looked at it. It was incredible. It wasn't gross at all. I could clearly see the placenta, the bag of water was still intact and there was a tiny little baby floating around in there. Absolutely amazing. Jimmy and I plan to have a little private burial this week. That gives me so much more closure than flushing it down the toilet.

Sorry it this has been way too much information! I had no idea what to expect. It seems like noone talks about the details. And I was really quite terrified of the "gross parts" which turned out to not be gross at all. I am even more enamored with the whole process of a human being formed than ever before!

So now it is time to move on and I am so ready. I am already planning on doing a gentle cleanse over the next couple of weeks to get myself back on track. We will try again for another baby. Maybe not soon but eventually. If I am blessed with another pregnancy I will probably spend the first several months being terrified. I will welcome the awful morning sickness because I will see that as a sign that the baby is ok. I will trust in my body again. This body carried Lucy safely for 9 months. It did not cause this miscarriage. My body knows what to do.

our miscarriage story - part 3 - waiting is torture

2010-01-19T09:02:00.004-05:00

I had some time alone in the ultrasound room to make some phone calls. I called Jimmy, of course. He left his meeting and got in the car to meet me at home. After a little while the doctor and ultrasound tech came back in the room to talk to me about my options. I didn't really process much of what was said so I asked for a week to process everything and do some research.

On the way home I started making phone calls to my family and close friends. Not easy. During this process I've realized that I'm not the only one losing a baby. My husband lost a child. Our parents lost a grandchild. My grandma lost a great grandchild. Even though it is my body that has to go through all of this, it isn't just about me.

I got home, started doing some reading on what is involved with a D&C, what will happen if I try to go through this naturally, and made some phone calls and sent some emails. I sent an email to Courtenay (who is my go-to person for all things natural pregnancy and birth related). She is so knowledgeable on the whole process. She gave me some ideas to speed up the inevitable. High doses of Vitamin C, homeopathic Caullophylum and Cimicifugia, blue and black cohosh, and making sure I support my immune system by taking elderberry and red clover. She told me that the reason the doctors lean towards doing a D&C is that they are afraid of infection and the secondary reason is a very rare bleeding disorder caused by tissue remaining in there too long. Both very rare, but can happen.

I already had an ob appointment set for Monday so they kept that for me to go back in and talk with the doctor about my options. Jimmy was off work yesterday for MLK day so he was able to to with me (what a relief). The doctor was again amazing (I continue to be impressed with my doctors in this office). She again gave me my options but was totally understanding with me wanting to avoid the D&C. She told me what to watch out for...if I need to call the doctor and go to the ER. I'm praying to avoid that, obviously. She also told me about how much the waiting process can wear on you. That sometimes getting it over with is better on your emotions. That I can totally understand. I still would like to avoid surgery if at all possible. She sent me home with a prescription for strong pain meds and an appt. to have blood work done again in a week and to see her again in two weeks.

So now I wait. Every little cramp that happens I think "oh no, this is it". We were invited to the pistons game on Friday night and went. A little distraction is nice. But the whole time I was thinking about how awful it would be to have it happen at the palace. To leave what is left of my baby in the public bathroom. We also went to a wedding on saturday night. I don't want to spend the next several weeks sitting around the house waiting for this terrible thing to happen. It will make me crazy.

our miscarriage story - part 2 - confirmation

2010-01-16T13:45:00.008-05:00

I got in my car on Wednesday afternoon to drive to the doctor's office. On the way there I called my dear friend Kari and told her why I was going in. She is such a blessing, and although our friendship has had it's up and downs over the years, she is always there for me when I need a friend. She offered to come with me but was at home with a toddler, a broken arm, pregnant, and a sick husband. I knew I needed to go alone.

I sat in the waiting room for a bit. Women coming and going with big round bellies. I've always been enamored with the pregnant bellies but never like this before. I couldn't help but hope that they knew how blessed they are.

I finally got into the office. The doctor came in, asked some questions, looked a little worried, and did an exam. She said everything looked ok (cervix closed, uteris still full) but set me up with an ultrasound in the office. So back to the waiting room I went, while those big baby bellies paraded in and out of the room.

After what felt like an hour of waiting, I heard my name and followed the ultrasound tech back to the dark quiet room. The same room where I had seen Lucy. She was always so wiggly on the screen. And adorable. A perfect little person tucked away safely in my womb.

She asked me a couple of questions. Yes, a little cramping, yes, a little bleeding, yes, 11 weeks. She turned on the machine and started looking at my insides. She moved the wand around, back and forth, took some measurements, none of it making any sense to me. My mind had already been prepared for the worse...I knew I wasn't going to see a wiggly baby. She turned the part on that shows the heartbeat, that little red, flashing, unmistakable sign of life, and there was nothing. Just blackness. I caught the tech out of the corner of my eye quietly scratch her head. I thought "oh, that poor girl has to tell me horrible news". She pushed the machine aside and turned to me and said "This is going to come as a big shock to you but I couldn't find any heart tones". And my heart broke the rest of the way. I was finally able to start to grieve.

our miscarriage story - part 1 - just a fetus

2010-01-16T12:44:00.006-05:00

I'm unsure of why I am compelled to tell this story. There is some kind of secrecy involved with the whole process of losing a baby but as I begin to tell my story so many women have opened up to me with shockingly similar stories. I need to do this for me. I don't want to forget these days, even though they certainly aren't easy.

So many thoughts are racing through my mind right now. It's hard to get them organized enough to put them down into a story. If I just started typing away it would be a big jumbled mess so this is going to take a bit of time. Please note that these are my raw feelings and I apologize if it isn't cohesive.

It doesn't give much comfort when people tell me that it is common and happens all the time. Losing a child should never be thought of as common. It would be almost easier for me to take the worlds view and think of that 11 week growing baby as "just a fetus" but I know in my hear that that little baby, that son or daughter of mine, was a tiny person. Just because he or she was unable to thrive outside of my womb doesn't make him or her any less of a person, a person with a soul who is thriving in heaven right now.

So here's my story. I will have to continue it over several parts as my story isn't over yet. My body still has a lot of work to do to finish it, so that I can be done and completely ready to move on.

I knew over a week before I finally called the doctor that I the baby wasn't ok. I didn't have any of the symtpoms yet. I wasn't bleeding, I wasn't cramping, I just wasn't feeling anything. In fact, I didn't feel pregnant at all except for the obvious little bump I could feel in my belly, not even visible on the outside yet. I actually felt great. My morning sickness was gone completely, my energy was back. I didn't feel pregnant. When people asked me how I was feeling (and if you've been pregnant you know how very often that questions is asked), my response was "great". I kind of felt like I was lying when I said the pregnancy was going great because that little voice inside of me was telling me that something wasn't right. I just had to wait for some symptoms before I was ready to move to the next step.

And they came. On tuesday night I started to bleed. Not much, but enough to know that it had begun. I prepared myself a little bit mentally and tried to prepare Jimmy by telling him what I was feeling. I'm certain he didn't believe me, telling me that everything's ok but to make an appointment with the doctor in the morning. With my mind racing a mile a minute, I didn't sleep well that night. I called the office first thing Wednesday morning. Of course they wanted to see me right away so I was all set with an appointment at 1:20.

A couple of things happened on Wednesday that I can look back on and be so thankful for. First, my aunt (who works in my ob office) saw my name on the list for the day and called me right away. She was working until noon and offered to come watch Lucy in the afternoon. I didn't realize that I would be at the office for nearly 3 hours that day and right in the middle of Lucy's naptime which would have been awful for both of us. Also, I came so close to dropping my cellphone in the toilet just as I was leaving for the doctor. I know of countless iphones users whose phones have met there demise in the tiniest amount of water. I witnessed a miracle...the phone fell out of my pocked, bounces off both sides of the toilet seat and landed on the floor. I know this seems like a silly thing but without that phone, I would have gotten this news alone in the doctors office without anyone to reach out to.

And then it falls apart

2009-12-08T14:33:00.003-05:00

Life is funny.

One minute everything is going so smoothly, you're having all kinds of fun times and then, BAM, it all falls apart. My question is why does the bad stuff always happen all at once?

It's easy in these times to have a big pity party for myself. But feeling sorry for myself doesn't help anything, it always makes it worse. Plus, I've also learned that it isn't about me. It can't be about me because then it makes it too easy to feel sorry for myself. Again, that doesn't help anything.

Here's a little of what's going on in our world. The worst: Lucy broke her arm on friday. My sweet little baby who is completely unscarred and perfect broke her tiny little arm. As if mom "guilt already" isn't running amuck in my mind nearly all the time, I now let it become this thought...I let my perfect beautiful baby girl break her arm. Of course, she's taking it completely fine. She's running around like nothing happened using her new cast as a weapon or a drum stick whenever possible. Me. Not so much. I look at that cast as something that I let happen to her. Pretty stupid and irrational, huh? Yea, I know.

Then the Invisible Fence for the dog broke. I know that seems like a little thing. But just picture me having to take the 70 pound dog out on a leash several times a day in the freezing cold. With a baby who needs to be bundled up every time. With a cast on her arm that I can't seem to find any coat to fit over.

And I smashed the side mirror on my car.

So here are my options. Sit around and sulk and think about all the bad stuff. Which when I sit and think about, these things are so trivial. None of my family members are in the hospital or dying. My perfect, beautiful little daughter will heal. The fence will get fixed. My mirror will get fixed.

Today

2009-12-03T22:04:00.002-05:00

Dear Lucy,

Today you said "I love you" for the very first time to me.

Today you pretended to change your own diaper. You walked over to the cabinet where your diaper supplies are located, grabbed a diaper, changing pad, and a little towel. You laid the changing pad out on the ottoman, laid on top of it and pretended to change your own diaper.

Today you tried to put your baby doll in your high chair. You were blabbing on and on about lunch and avacados.

Today you were playing in the living room while I was in the kitchen. I heard you say "uh oh, oh no" and you came to get me. You grabbed my finger and brought me to where you had accidently knocked a framed picture off of the shelf.

Today you let me give you extra cuddles.

Today you gave me lots of kisses.

I liked today.

I've got news!!!

2009-11-24T13:29:00.006-05:00

Since I've been home with Lucy I've been working on getting back to my roots with art and design. I love retouching but something was drawing me back in to using paper, pencils, pens, and creating and designing interesting things. Once something like this pops into my head I can't seem to get it out and I become a woman on a mission. Except, this hasn't happened in a long time. I don't know for sure why now but I just felt like it was something I needed to do.

So, of course, I was looking for a way to make a little money on the side while I do this thing that has taken over a good portion of my brain and time. I started an Etsy store (lulu and ellie) and started working away on stationary designs. I was still working out my little business plan when I got this email early last week...

Sweet Baby Designs is thrilled to be looking for New Designers. We are looking for 3-5 motivated designers that would like to showcase their designs in our store!

I was thrilled. Beyond thrilled. I purchased Lucy's birth announcements from SBD and was very impressed with this company. So I decided to go for it. I had already been working on some designs so I finished them up and sent them off into internet land hoping for the best (but not expecting to hear anything). For all I knew they were getting thousands of applicants all of whom had worked for Hallmark. LOL.

Well....

I got this email on saturday...

Nicole,
Thank you so much for applying for a position as a Sweet Baby Designs designer!

We are thrilled to offer you a spot as one of our permanent designers! Your designs/samples were a wonderful showcase of your creativity and talent and we believe that you will be a wonderful fit for our company!

On Monday we will send you out a welcome packet/folder via email, which will contain a design schedule for December, Tips, Tricks & Guidelines for Design, our favorite font list, and a contact for your approval.

We are so excited to welcome you aboard and we can't wait to get to know you better!

Thanks,
Jaclyn Bernardo
Owner, Sweet Baby Designs

Yippee!!!

I got all signed in yesterday and have already gotten my first assignment for 10 new designs due in a few weeks. I'll keep you posted on when my work goes online!!!!

Oh, here are the designs I sent them....

Smile Big + Meeka

2009-11-17T14:56:00.008-05:00

When I ask, "Can I have a big smile?", this is what I get...

And this...

She loves LOVES to talk about Meeka

Stuff in my Backyard

2009-11-17T13:31:00.005-05:00

I loathe these short fall days. The first week after the time change in the fall is always difficult for me. It seems silly...it's only an hour but every year I find myself exhausted, moping around the house.

But, BUT this low afternoon sun of these short days creates something magical. The trees in our backyard are nearly bare but there is something beautiful about how the sun peeks through them.

Here's some stuff I found in my backyard last weekend...

Cinnamon Raisin Bread

2009-11-09T12:51:00.007-05:00

I love baking bread. The best are cold days when I don't have much planned outside of the house. Lucy was dealing with a cold and teething so we were a bit stuck at home. Perfect time to bake!

I've had a few requests for the recipe for Cinnamon Raisin Bread that I made last week so here it is! This is a slightly modified recipe from Martha Stewart's Baking Handbook (my go-to book for many of my baking recipes).

Cinnamon Raisin Bread

Makes two 9 by 5 inch loaves

1 envelope (2 1/4 tsp) active dry yeast
2 cups warm milk (about 110 degrees F)
6 ½ cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting (I weigh and then sift my flour)
1 stick butter, room temperature, cut into pieces, plus more for pans
½ cup sugar
2 eggs, plus 1 egg, lightly beaten
2 ½ tsp coarse salt
1 cup raisins
1 Tbsp ground cinnamon

filling:
1 ½ cups sugar
2 Tbsp ground cinnamon

1. In the bowl of an electric mixer, sprinkle the yeast over the warm milk and whisk to combine. In a seperate bowl, mix together the, butter, sugar, 2 eggs, and salt. Attach bowl to mixer fitted with the dough hook and mix wet ingredients into yeast, then slowly add the flour. Mix on low speed until all the ingredients are well combined, about 3 minutes. Raise speed to medium-low, and continue to mix until the dough is completely smooth and pulls away from the sides of the bowl, about 3 minutes more.

Turn out the dough on a lightly floured surface. Pat out the dough into a big round. Sprinkle with raisins and cinnamon and knead and fold until they are just incorporated. Place the dough in a lightly oiled bowl, and cover with oiled plastic wrap. Let rise in a warm place until doubled in size, about 1 hour. (In the cooler months I find that the oven on off with the oven light on makes a nice warm environment for my dough to rise)

3. Return the dough to a lightly floured work surface, and pat into a round. Fold the bottom third of the dough up, the top third down and the right and left sizes over, pressing down the seal. Return the dough into the bowl and let rise again until doubled in bulk, about 40 minutes.

4. Make the filling. Combine sugar and cinnamon with 2 Tbsp water in a small bowl.

5. Generously butter two 9 by 5 inch loaf pans set aside. 6. Return the dough to a lightly floured work surface, and divide in half. Roll each half out to a large rectangle, a bit bigger than your loaf pans - about 10 inch. Brush with beaten egg and sprinkle each with half of the filling.

7. With the short end of the rectangle facing you, fold in both of the long sides of the dough in. the roll the dough towards you, gently pressing forming a tight log. Roll back and forth to seal the seam. Place loafs in the prepared pans. Cover loosely with oiled plastic wrap, and let rest in a warm place, about 30 minutes. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 425°F.

8. Brush the tops of the loafs with beaten egg, and transfer pans to the oven. Place pans onto baking sheets lined with parchment paper (this is very important unless you like scraping bakes sugar off of the bottom of your oven!) Bake, rotating pans halfway through, until loaves are golden brown, about 45 minutes. If the tops begin to brown too quickly, tent with aluminium foil. (I tent soon after it is in the oven to prevent browning too quick). Turn out the bread onto a wire rack to cool completely before slicing. The bread can be kept, wrapped in plastic up to 4 days. I freeze the second loaf for later!!

Because I like to make lists.

2009-10-30T12:55:00.003-04:00

Here are the things I will miss:

1. Talking about what is for lunch. Usually beginning around 10:00 am. WTFIFL

2. Never having to worry about saying something inappropriate.

3. Being in an environment where saying inappropriate things is encouraged.

4. Being around some of the most talented and interesting people in the world.

5. Morning coffee stops, alternating between Biggby, Dunkin Dounuts, and Starbucks. But never the Hot Spot.

6. Snack time.

7. My snack time friends.

8. The coolest bosses ever (no, I'm not just sucking up, I really mean it)

Here are the things I won't miss:

1. "The Mondays". This is what I refer to as our monday evenings. Baby starts yelling 10 minutes after I arrive home and doesn't stop until she falls asleep. Every. Monday.

2. Driving by the Hot Spot. I don't know why that place annoys me so much. Maybe it's because they started advertising "topless tuesday".

3. Traffic. Construction Traffic. Snow Traffic. Rain Traffic. Accident Traffic.

4. Having two jobs and feeling like I'm not fully committing myself to either one.

Things I am looking forward to:

1. Not missing anything that my daughter is learning. These days are really flying by so fast.

2. Never feeling jealous of the time somebody else is getting to enjoy with her.

3. Hopefully feeling a little less overwhelmed with trying to manage this house and family.

4. Learning some new skills and revisiting some skills that I haven't used in a while *more info on this to come*

5. Giving myself fully to this crazy job and this incredibly demanding (but oh so cute) boss.

I know I'm not the only person who has come to this decision. It was not an easy one. Part of who I am has always been what I do. And I am one of the fortunate ones who loves what I do and the people I work with.

oh dear

2009-09-28T11:36:00.003-04:00

Oh, you sweet, sad, lonely blog.

If anyone was reading you before they have long forgotten about you by now.

It is not that I have forgotten about you. I think about you often. I have written so many interesting, heartfelt blog posts in my head. If I had actually typed them out it would make your head spin. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. I have come up with some great topics, though, and if I was a good writer at all they would have been so interesting.

My lack of writing is inexcusable. So much has happened and I don't want to forget these little moments. They are going by so fast. I will try to be better. Please forgive me, dear blog.

Lucy ate a dog biscuit and I stole some shoes

2009-07-25T11:25:00.003-04:00

Friday was a bit of a calamity. It was one of those days when I felt like I was totally losing my mind. Several times throughout the day.

They day started with a quick trip to Target. No big deal. Just running a few errands. It ended in disaster with Lucy having a complete meltdown. Being the mean mom I am, I wouldn't let her suck on the straps that hold her in the shopping cart (eww). Then to make it worse I took away the dog collar that we were purchasing for Ellie (that she was also sucking on). She lost it. LOST IT. People were actually peeking around the corner of the pet supply aisle, certain to find a woman abusing her child. UGH. I took her out of the cart, screaming, wiggling, pushing and straighting her body making it almost impossible to hold on to her, and quickly headed for the checkout counter. On the way there we encountered Ms. Crabby Lady who actually grunted in disgust at me for not swerving my cart out of her way. Um, hello? I'm trying to push a cart jam packed full with one arm while holding little melt-down girl with the other. So sorry to inconvenience YOU. I got through checkout ASAP and quickly headed for the car. Lucy got strapped into her car seat and smiled at me and said "mama". Nice. She obviously had no idea what she had just put me through. I unloaded everything from the cart and noticed a pair of baby shoes tucked under her diaper bag. Not paid for. No, I didn't unload her and take her back in to give the shoes back. Don't look at me like that. Yes, I will take them back because the guilt is bothering me.

After we had been home for a while I decided to go for a long walk with Lucy and Ellie. Before we left Winston needed to go out so I started getting everyone organized. Trying to put a leash on an excited, very large puppy while holding a wiggly toddler isn't easy. I opened the door and Winston, Ellie and the cat all darted out. I grabbed a bag of dog biscuits because that almost always works for getting both dog's attention. By this time Winston had the cat pinned down in the middle of the yard. Awesome. Lucy grabbed the dog treats out of my hands and started shaking them. Dog biscuits all over the garage. The dogs came running and started fighting over them. So I strapped Lucy into her stroller and started grabbing biscuits off the floor as fast as the dogs were eating them. I stood up just in time to see Lucy happily jamming one of the biscuits in her mouth. Of course she swallowed before I could pry it out. gross. At least it was an organic dog biscuit.

puppy love

2009-07-20T15:57:00.005-04:00

Winston came to live with us two weeks ago. Seventeen pounds of wiggling, spotted puppy love. To say that he is a good puppy is an understatement. I was expecting the worst. Sleepless nights, stains on the carpet, biting and jumping up, etc. Winston might be the calmest, sweetest puppy ever. Of course, having a new puppy in the house isn't easy but he has gotten the routine down quickly and already become a part of the family.

We had been considering getting another dog for a while now. The timing just wasn't right and probably never would have been. (Yes, people have been telling me that I am crazy for getting a puppy while i have a baby). I have been wanting another big dog ever since my doberman passed away three and a half years ago. There has just been something missing. I miss that big dog head resting on my lap asking for a pet. I miss feeling safe when I'm home alone or going for walks. Of course, Ellie would try her hardest to keep us safe if she needed to but she has no idea that she only weighs 7 pounds and would be completely ineffective.

We decided in the spring to start looking for a puppy. I felt passionately about going through a rescue group because there are so many puppies out there that need homes. I learned a big, heartbreaking lesson about back yard breeders with my Doberman. Way back then I didn't know the right way to get a puppy from a breeder and that there were irresponsible breeders out there. He came from a newspaper article. Now I know that should have been a red flag. He was AKC registered which I now know means absolutely nothing. He developed almost every known problem that is common to the breed. He died when he was only 6 years old because his stomach flipped over. Surgery wasn't an option because he was born with a bleeding disorder that is hereditary. Both of his parents should have been tested for the disorder before they were bred.

I first saw Winston's sweet face on Petfinder.com. Jimmy and I had both said we like German Shorthair Pointers and he looked just like one. We know he has some of that in him and the rest is a mystery. Someone had dropped him off at a shelter with his 4 brothers and sisters. They were scheduled to be euthanized because the shelter was full. Thankfully, someone at the shelter put a call into the rescue groups in the area. Even though they didn't have any room or fosters lined up, Canine Companions Rescue in Clarkston took these guys in. I am still in disbelief that if it weren't for these rescue groups these beautiful puppies could have been put to sleep.

I'm excited to see Winston and Lucy grow up together. Although Winston is growing at a much much faster pace than Lucy. I think he has already doubled in size since he came to live with us!

baby cakes

2009-06-29T23:15:00.004-04:00

So in my party planning frenzy I decided to make the cupcakes and baby cake for Lucy. I might have bit off more than I could chew but it was fun! I spend the whole day on friday baking, mixing, decorating and covered in flour and frosting. It was amazingly awesome.

I've had a few requests for my amazing new buttercream recipe I discovered. In the weeks prior to the party I tried out a few recipes for cake and frosting. These were the best I could find!

The buttercream recipe comes from cakejournal.com. For more detailed directions go here.

Italian meringue buttercream (IMBC).

Makes 8 cups.

1/2 cup of cold water (120ml)
2 1/4 cups of caster sugar (530ml)
1 cup of eggwhites (10) I use pasturized eggwhites only!
1 1/2 pound of soft unsalted butter (680gr)
1 tsp of vanilla extract
Kitchen stand mixer

First set the timer on 7 mins & pour the eggwhites into the kitchen mixer with whisk attachment.

Step 1:
Place sugar & water in a casserole and bring it to the boil and start the timer.
Note: I like to turn down the heat just a bit so the syrup dont get brown

Step 2:
When the sugar syrup has been boiling for 5 mins. Start the kitchen mixer on full speed and whisk the eggwhites for the last 2 mins. When the timer is up the sugar syrup is done. With the mixer still going on high speed slowly pour the hot syrup down the side of the mixing bowl.
Be carefull not to get burned.

Step 3:
When all sugar syrup has been added it should look like thick cream. Stop the mixer and change for the paddle attachment. To avoid meringue splatter all over your kitchen place a clean tea towel over the mixer. Set the timer on 10 mins and beat on high speed. This is how long it takes in my mixer for the mixing bowl to be cool to the touch.
After 10 mins. You should now have a lovely thick meringue like on the photo.

Step 4:
Now its time to add the butter. Start the mixer on high speed and with a knife cut pieces of the butter and add it to the meringue. When all butter is added it will not take long for mixture to turn into nice thick smoothe buttercream. When that happend slow down the mixer and add 1 tsp of vanilla extract. Stop the mixer and scrape down the bowl and start again. I do this two times. You should now have a bowl full of lovely Italian meringue buttercream.

Note: If the IMBC wont combine just continue to whip whip whip. It will eventually get smoothe. If you are still having problems, put the whole bowl with paddle attachment into the fridge and let it “cool” down a bit and then whip it again.
Also if you have taken it out from the fridge or freezer then bring it back to room temprature and whip it smoothe before use.

AS ANOTHER NOTE: Unless you have a ginormous industrial mixer do NOT attempt to make a double batch. It will make a mess. All over your kitchen and you. I know this from experience. If you have a normal kitchenaide mixer like me I would recommend doing half batches. That meringue gets HUGE!

I made both vanilla and chocolate cake. Here's the recipe for the vanilla. When I had made my practice cake it turned out way more moist (eek, I hate that word) but it was a little dry for the cupcakes :(

Heavenly White Cake

INGREDIENTS
2 3/4 cups sifted cake flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
4 egg whites
1 1/2 cups white sugar
3/4 cup butter
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon almond extract

DIRECTIONS
Measure sifted flour, baking powder, and salt; sift together three times.
In a mixing bowl, beat egg whites until foamy. Add 1/2 cup sugar gradually, and continue beating only until meringue will hold up in soft peaks.

Cream butter or margarine. Gradually add remaining 1 cup sugar, and cream together until light and fluffy. Add sifted ingredients alternately with milk a small amount at a time, beating after each addition until smooth. Mix in flavorings. Add meringue, and beat thoroughly into batter. Spread batter in a 15 x 10 x 1 inch pan which has been lined on the bottom with parchment paper.

Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 30 to 35 minutes. Cool cake in pan 10 minutes, then remove from pan and transfer to a wire rack to finish cooling. This cake may also be baked in two 9 inch round pans for 30 to 35 minutes, or in three 8 inch round pans for 25 to 30 minutes.

And the chocolate cake...

HERSHEY'S "PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" Chocolate Cake
Ingredients:
2 cups sugar
1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa
1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 cup milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup boiling water
"PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING(recipe follows)
Directions:
1. Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour two 9-inch round baking pans.

2. Stir together sugar, flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda and salt in large bowl. Add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla; beat on medium speed of mixer 2 minutes. Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour batter into prepared pans.

3. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely. Frost with "PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING. 10 to 12 servings.

VARIATIONS:
ONE-PAN CAKE: Grease and flour 13x9x2-inch baking pan. Heat oven to 350° F. Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake 35 to 40 minutes. Cool completely. Frost.

THREE LAYER CAKE: Grease and flour three 8-inch round baking pans. Heat oven to 350°F. Pour batter into prepared pans. Bake 30 to 35 minutes. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely. Frost.

BUNDT CAKE: Grease and flour 12-cup Bundt pan. Heat oven to 350°F. Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake 50 to 55 minutes. Cool 15 minutes; remove from pan to wire rack. Cool completely. Frost.

CUPCAKES: Line muffin cups (2-1/2 inches in diameter) with paper bake cups. Heat oven to 350°F. Fill cups 2/3 full with batter. Bake 22 to 25 minutes. Cool completely. Frost. About 30 cupcakes.

I used (mostly) natural, organic ingredients including the coloring for the frosting (found at whole foods).

Lucy, month 12!

2009-06-20T17:32:00.004-04:00

When we first met...

You today on your first birthday!!

Lucy,

This day one year ago you came into my life. One year ago today I was holding you in my arms for the first time.

You have changed again so much this month. I love to sit and watch you play, learn, try new things. Every day it is something different that holds your interest. Some days you will spend hours putting toys and blocks in your train and pushing that around. Other days you try to figure out stacking rings or sticking your tiny fists into the rings to see if they will fit.

We are pretty sure that you will be walking soon. You love to walk behind your push toy or holding on to someones hand. You just aren’t quite ready to let go yet. You have decided that you can get to where you need to go by crawling at super speed.

You learned how to blow kisses this month. I nearly melt into a puddle of goo every time you do it. And you love to catch me off guard with your cuteness.

You are adding new words to your vocabulary every day. The other day I swear I thought you said “I love my momma” but it might have been stretching it a bit (One of my favorite things to do is make sentences out of your baby gibberish). You now say mom, momma, dad, dog, cat, yuck, eyes, and have even attempted to say penguin.

You are becoming a little more independent every day. Your constant baby neediness is almost a distant memory. On my way to pick up your balloons for your party this morning I got a little weepy. I was thinking about meeting you for the first time one year ago. I will never forget that moment when I saw your little face for the first time. That little face that I had been imagining for nine long months. You have changed so much already…I can’t believe how fast this year has gone.

This year has been the most unexpected, fulfilling, amazing, challenging, wonderful year of my life. I had no idea how much I needed you in my life or how complete you would make our family until you became a part of it. Happy first birthday, little one.

Love,
Mommy

Total randomness for today

2009-06-15T21:15:00.002-04:00

• I have been consumed with planning for Lucy's first birthday party for months. I might have gone over the top a little bit. I'm just having way waaaaaay too much fun. I just hope Lucy and all of her guests enjoy themselves as much as I have enjoyed putting it together.

• Of course, the week of her party I get IMPOSSIBLY busy at work. That's just how it goes. So somehow I have to manage to work 10 million hours this week, get my house cleaned, get the yard cleaned up, decorate the basement and outside, make and decorate 80 cupcakes and Lucy's baby cake, and try to be calm and happy and showered when our guests arrive.

• Did I mention that my baby girl is turning ONE THIS SATURDAY? I can't even believe it. If you could see me through your computer you would see the shocked look on my face. It's crazy.

• I have totally become a minivan convert. I know, I said it "I would never drive a minivan". I had no idea all the ways motherhood would change me. My outlook on everything is so completely different. This Horribly Embarrassing vehicle is sooo convenienty wonderful. It's kind of like driving a big sofa. And it looks like a dolphin. BUT I can change a diaper in the back without having to be a contortionist (and for you moms, that means not using the impossibly gross changing tables in the mall.) And I can fit groceries in the car without having to pack them around the baby (yikes).

• I am the kind of terribly awful person who forgets my favorite people's birthdays. I didn't wish Auntie a happy birthday yesterday. No card, no phone call. Terrible. I have no excuse. I could say I was too busy but that doesn't sound any better. I even had it in my calendar AND was reminded on facebook. Ugh.

• I have the bachelorette on in the background while I work tonight. Pitiful. It is so weird and unnatural. That's all I have to say.

• I'm having a hard time coming up with things to feed Lucy. It usually ends up being a random mix of food for her. Tonight she had the following. In this order...1. a handful of organic puffs (to keep her busy while I tried to figure out what to give her), 2. some organic blueberry yobaby yogurt, 3. organic mixed vegetables, 4. an organic chicken sausage, 5. a handful of Trader Joe's cheese puffs. I need to get better at meal planning for Lucy.

• Really, this bachelorette show is so awkward. Ugh. I need to get back to work.

Another dose of cuteness

2009-06-12T16:50:00.002-04:00

the power of the nap

2009-06-08T21:45:00.003-04:00

Baby naps are a magical thing. PM (pre-mom) I was clueless as to how long a baby would need to sleep during the day.

And it is amazing how much can be accomplished while she sleeps. Knowing I have a time limit, I am a woman on a mission. Cleaning, organizing, getting to my never ending "list", cooking, laundry, gardening etc. If I had the whole day wide open to accomplish this stuff I would probably end up doing nothing. (I know this by personal experience PM). It's the limited time frame that is my motivation.

But. BUT. Now that summer is here I find myself getting a little impatient with her sleeping. Not that long ago I would LIVE for her naps but I now find myself wishing she would wake up so we can go do something fun. This warmer weather is great for getting outside and doing stuff. I am so glad I have a good napper but do nearly one-year-olds really need two 2-hour naps a day?!

A tooth!

2009-05-26T11:43:00.005-04:00

At 11 1/2 months our little Lucy girl is actually finally getting her first tooth. It has been threatening to pop out for some time now. There has been a little bubble right there on her gums for about a week. Just yesterday I got to have a peek at it and touched it without her protesting too much and sure enough, the tooth has officially made it's appearance!

Surprisingly, it has come about without much fuss. Like usual, Lucy handles things in the complete opposite way that I would expect. Instead of crying, fussing, drooling, etc. she has decided to sleep. A lot. She has taken two long three hour naps each day for the last few days and still slept all night long. Amazing. I had heard so many horror stories about those teeth coming through that I expected the worst. Lucy is just proving again that she likes to do things her own way.

Also, today I have to point out that I am missing something here at work. I don't have my pump. I didn't forget it. I chose not to bring it. I have decidedly slowed the pumping almost to not at all. It is a strange and freeing feeling. To not pack up the pump, cords, wires, pump parts, cooler, ice packs. This routine that I have been doing for the past 11 months. I almost feel like a weight has been taken off of me. Not lugging this pack around with me everywhere I go like an extra appendage. Not having to stop work or whatever else I am doing every 3 hours to hook up to that annoying machine only to see a tiny amount come out. I would like to think that if I saw gallons coming out that I would keep going with the pumping. ;)

It's strange to think back now at how consumed I was with the pumping. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy I did it...I'm so happy that I worked so hard. Even though I struggled so much I still consider myself a success. I have fed my baby. I have given her the best start to life. I have done ALL that I could do for her. She is healthier because of it. And I am not saying that I am weaning her. I will let her nurse for as long as she needs. We have our special bonding time in the morning that it doesn't seem like either of us are quite ready to stop anytime soon.

Lucy, Month 11

2009-05-21T21:24:00.004-04:00

Lucy,

We are heading dangerously close to your first birthday! We have been having so much fun planning your birthday party. This will probably be the biggest party you will every have and you will only remember it through pictures.

You started saying actual words this month! Besides mama and dada you are now saying "dog", "cat", "that" and you are also making animal sounds for dog, cat, pig and cow. It is amazing watching you learn. Some days your brain is like a little sponge. We walk around together with you pointing and saying "that" and waiting for me to explain to you what "that" is.

You are enjoying the warmer weather. We spend a lot of time outside. You love taking walks or jogs in your jogging stroller with Ellie running along next to us. You also like being in your Ergo and going for walks in the neighborhood or hikes in the park. Your dad and I are both so happy that you like the outdoors because we spend a lot of time out there in the summer!

We are still waiting patiently for that first tooth. It looks like you might not have one by the time you turn one although you have had a spot that looks like something is trying to poke through on your gums. I took you to the doctor last week to have him check something out that was worrying me (it ended up just being a dimple). You weigh a whopping 17 pounds 14 ounces. You are still little but it seems to me that you are growing so fast.

You are quickly becoming an expert at stair climbing. One of your favorite things to do when I turn away for a minute is head to the stairs, dart halfway up and watch me through the railing running in a panic to rescue you. You refuse to learn to go down the stairs, though. I've tried to work with you on that but you don't even seem to notice that they go down and would take a big tumble if I wasn't right there to catch you.

The morning is when you are at your best. You are so happy, talkative and cuddly. Plus we are much more rested in the morning as you are now officially sleeping all night long. Woohoo!! You have started having a close attachment to your blanket and want to keep it with you for part of the morning. You are also so happy to see it when it is time to take your nap or go to sleep at night.

This month your shyness in group situations seems to have faded completely. On several occasions when we were at parties you preferred to be the center of attention than to have your mom holding you. It is fun to see your personality change. And wow, do you have a big personality! You love to make people laugh. At one point it was me trying everything I could to get a smile from you and now you have turned the tables.

Lucy, again I find myself thinking about how fast the time is going. I feel so blessed to have you in my life. I am enjoying our days together more that I can express.

Love,
Mommy

Adventures in Babywearing ~ Ergo Edition

2009-05-15T10:11:00.004-04:00

Yea! My Ergo came in the mail yesterday so we got to take it for a spin this morning. We cleaned up the kitchen, vacuumed, and went for a short walk all with her just hangin out back there playing with my hair and tickling the back of my neck.

Babywearing has been so great for us. Lucy loves to be held and I can get a lot done with her in a carrier while being close to her. But this has caused a bit of an obsession with buying contraptions to put her in. I am now up to six different carriers. One ring sling, one regular sling, a moby wrap, a mei tai, Bjorn, and now the Ergo. They all serve different purposes and are used at different times. The sling is great for quick trips to the store. It's small and easy to keep in the car, pop her in and off we go. The Mei Tai is great for the front carry. Lucy isn't too happy with being in a back carry with that. The moby has been great while Lucy was smaller. It's a bit stretchy so now that she is close to 20 lbs. it starts to stretch out while I'm wearing her. It is by far the most comfortable, though. The Bjorn was used a lot by Jimmy for several months. It's not the best. I don't have a lot of good stuff to say about it.

The Ergo can be worn either on the front, side, or back. I got it mainly for a back carry now that Lucy is a bit bigger. It puts the weight of the baby on your hips and is so comfortable. I'm hoping to use it a lot for hiking this summer with her and for getting stuff done around the house. The only problem I see right now with it is that I am leaning forward a lot while I'm using it. I'll have to work on that. Oh, and where the waist strap hits me it causes a bit of a muffin top. I'm working on that too.

My first baby girl

2009-05-12T20:02:00.006-04:00

My sweet little Ellie. She is only 7 pounds but has the biggest personality of any dog I have ever met.

Ellie came to live with me when she was 8 weeks old and a teeny little two pounds. That was over seven years ago. I had no idea what a big part of my life this little dog would become. She has been my constant buddy. Always up for a walk, an endless source of entertainment, my couch buddy, my footwarmer, and my little snuggler when I am sick or sad.

It seemed like she understood the changes that were happening to me when I was pregnant with Lucy. For a while she was certain to curl up on my stomach anytime I was in a seated or lying down position. Then towards the end she started keeping her distance from me. I'm not sure why.

Lucy loved her even before she was born. Whenever Ellie was on my stomach, Lucy would do extra somersaults in there and poke at my belly from the inside. Ellie was the first thing Lucy responded to besides her dad and I. As a tiny baby she would smile and giggle. One of the first words she has said clearly is "dog" and points right at Ellie. They seem to have a special bond already.

I didn't know how Ellie would handle the changes of having a new baby in the house. She has been AMAZING. She is so gentle and careful with Lucy. She hasn't shown any kind of jealousy even though her little dog world has been turned completely upside down. She went from being my "baby" to being second place. Not many dogs would take that well but she has been so good. Her behavior has even improved some, I think knowing that she needs to be a better dog now that the baby is here.

She has found ways to be her mischievous self, though. She is a bit opportunistic and has had the chance to get away with some stuff. She learned very quickly that when I am distracted with the baby that she can easily steal food off of my plate.

I can't believe how good she has been about leaving the baby toys alone. She loves toys. She has even been ok with Lucy taking her toys away and playing with them. There is one baby toy that I can see Ellie wants to play with so bad. It's a little plush dog that barks and growls. But she has for the most part been so good at not touching it.

Me and my girls just got back from the park. It was such a nice night to enjoy a walk with my little family.

Happy Video Monday

2009-05-04T21:03:00.006-04:00

Oh, you poor, sad, neglected blog! There is so much I want to say to you but just haven't had the time. Lucy is changing so much every day. Here's an update on some of the new things she is doing in the form of video. I swear, I take video and by the time I download them the next day she is on to something all new and the video clip seems obsolete!

Lucy got a new push toy. Here's her first time trying it out...

Being silly making piggy noises at dinner time...

I don't know why I buy baby toys. She has so much fun with things like paper towel rolls...

or magazines...

Lucy, Month Ten

2009-04-21T12:04:00.003-04:00

Lucy,

You are quickly starting to go from being a baby to being a little girl. I have officially become one of those moms who keeps telling everyone how fast time is going by. It seems like just a few weeks ago that you were a little lump of baby unable to do anything. Now you are all over the place and learning new things every day.

Just recently you started singing and dancing. When music comes on, especially something you are familiar with you love to “sing” along and do a little baby dance. Peek-a-boo has become a favorite game. The second I start singing it you look at me, grin and start clapping your hands together. You also love to be spun around and flipped upside down, both of which make your mommy very dizzy.

Your crawling continues to get quicker and more coordinated. You are pulling yourself up on everything and have even let go a few times and balanced on your own. Then you realize that you are standing on your own, get a surprised look on your face and grab the nearest object. You love to play with the dishwasher or refrigerator. Emptying the pantry has also become one of your favorite things. You also enjoy emptying dresser drawers, laundry baskets, your toy box, etc. You love to play chase. When I say “I’m gonna get you” it sends you into a fit of giggles.

You have decided that you like food! It has to be things that you can pick up and feed yourself but you are actually eating. You love bananas, sweet potatoes, pasta, bread, puffs, and cheese the best. You have decided peas are something that should never be consumed and show us how you feel about them by flinging them off of your tray. You love to share your food with mom and dad. Of course we eat whatever you are offering, even if it is soggy with baby drool and sticky from whatever else was in your little hand.

You really don’t like it when your mom or dad leave the room. Usually you protest and try to chase down the offender. The diaper changes have become less of a struggle this month. I think you might have realized that having this done comes with the reward of a clean, dry diaper. You still don’t like to have your clothes changed and usually let me know. Loudly.

My little bean, some days I look at you and can’t believe how much you are changing and growing. Just the other day I went into your room to check on you while you were napping and I couldn’t believe how much of your crib you were filling up. I cried because it is all going by in a flash. You are so much fun to be around and I don’t think there is a better sound in the whole than hearing you giggle. I love you more than I ever thought I could love another person.

Love,
Mommy

double the cuteness

2009-04-19T20:32:00.005-04:00

Lena came over for a playdate!!

And guess what?? Lena is walking! How cute is this?!

And it was so nice outside. It finally felt like spring so we spent some time in the sunshine.

I can hear him now

2009-04-17T15:27:00.003-04:00

Plumber to his plumber friends: So I got a call on a job in Clarkston.

Plumber friend: Uh huh.

Plumber: Younger couple with a little baby. Cute baby. They had a slow leak coming through their basement ceiling. I couldn't see where it was coming from and told them it need a little more investigation to find the source. The next day they called me and they had found the source. Apparently the guy had tried to install some shelves in a closet. And drilled three holes in their drainage pipe.

Plumber friend: {roaring with laughter}

I can only imagine what that conversation will be. I appreciate my husband for so many reasons. I did not marry him for his home -fix-it abilities.

Love you babe!

anyone can call themselves a photographer

2009-04-10T21:14:00.003-04:00

I decided last week that I want to be a photographer. Maybe I should just say that I want to take better pictures. Anyways, I am exploring some new styles. Here's one of them..

I like the style of this girl. I don't know if I'm getting anywhere close but I like how these turned out.

weekend fun!

2009-04-07T21:38:00.009-04:00

First of all, I have to share this photo with you. Isn't she adorable. Yea, yea, eyes rolling. I know, I'm a crazy mom-showing-off-her-baby-all-the-time type. Go ahead, judge me.

But there is something about this photo that I really want you to notice. Do you see it? I'll help point it out for you...

Yes, that is HAIR!!! She is not completely bald!! I think it might even be enough to stick a bow in. Ok, maybe not just yet. Patience, crazy mom.

And because I can't resist the cuteness...

We had a few visitors this weekend. My dad came over to watch Lucy while Jimmy and I did stuff around the house (I cleaned out my closets! woohoo!)

And my grandma came down with aunt and Bryce for a mini photo shoot...

Uncle Jeff came over to watch Lucy on saturday night so Jimmy and I could go to a movie. Then on Sunday Lucy went to Nona and Papa's house to color Easter eggs. Jimmy and I went to Ann Arbor for the afternoon for yet another date!

I had this:

And then there was a random parade called the festival of fools! I love parades!

and I don't even like cats.

2009-03-31T20:22:00.006-04:00

I finished a project! It is kind of nice having a baby that likes to go to sleep at 7:30 pm. That means I have several hours at night to get stuff done around the house. And to do silly projects like this :)

I think he turned out pretty cute! Again, the Amy Butler fabrics and patters are amazing. This pattern was free on her website.

Drum roll please...

And he was so cute I even made him a friend...

No mom jeans allowed. And a product review.

2009-03-30T19:56:00.007-04:00

Like many women, jeans are very important to me. They are a staple in my wardrobe. I wear them to work, I wear them when I go grocery shopping, I wear them when I go out with my friends, I wear them to church, I wear them nearly every day. So finding the right pair of jeans is of the utmost importance to me. They have to be flattering and comfortable, stretchy but not too stretchy, they have to pass the bend test (no buttcrack, please), they definitely can't be "mom jeans" and they have to be the right length or need to be altered to be the right length.

I almost always have to get my jeans altered. They seem to be made now to fit women who are about 9 feet tall. Here's where I face a dilemma. For altering I have two choices...heels or flats. I find it to be a very difficult decision. While I usually get my new jeans altered to the length of my heels I would like to wear them with my cute flats too. So what is a girl to do? Roll them up? Wait for months for them to shrink in the washer to be the right length for flats? Buy two pairs of the same jeans and have them altered in different lengths? Not with how much jeans cost now.

So here is my review of the jeans I purchased over the weekend and took on a test run today. I bought Hudson Triangle Pocket Bootcut Stretch Jeans. Here is a what they look like...

I would have taken a picture of myself in them but this is a much better visual. Plus they look exactly the same on me. EXACTLY. Ok, you can stop laughing now. Anyway, I am so happy with these! They are by far the most comfortable pair of jeans I have owned! They are the perfect rise. Not too low, but not "mom jean" like. The dark wash is great for making everything look a little slimmer. No buttcrack issues whatsoever.

I purchased them at Nordstrom yesterday with a gift card that had been sitting in my wallet for over two years. I have always been so impressed with Nordstrom. Their customer service is great. They are really good with returns. AND they altered my jeans for free. In 20 minutes!

Random thoughts for today

2009-03-29T20:30:00.003-04:00

I was trying to hold off on buying any more jeans until I had finally lost all of the baby weight. I gave up today and bought a very expensive pair in a size that I don't want to admit to.

We had Lucy's 9 month photos done today. Utter disaster. Trying to get a 9 month old to look happy in photos when she clearly is not. Impossible. Of course as soon as we left she was smiling, giggling and acting all kinds of cute.

My pillows are turning out more adorable that I thought they would. (considering my sewing skills).

I got another amazing ebay purchase. A jogging stroller!! I love buying pre-owned! We picked it up this morning and as soon as the snow melts I can't wait to use it!

Speaking of snow. Um. What?

I come up with so many clever things to say on this blog and then I sit down to write them and my brain is empty.

Lucy's grandmother came over to watch her while Jimmy and I did some more spring cleaning. The refrigerator and freezer are immaculate!

Jimmy's job was to clean our bathroom. He is making me stop using mineral makeup. It gets all over everything and he is convinced that the fine powder it is building up on my lungs. Could that happen?

I am reading Parenting by The Book right now. I don't have much to say about it yet. So far it seems to make sense.

ahhh, sweaty

2009-03-24T20:30:00.003-04:00

I'm feeling good. I just had a great workout. At home. I generally find it hard to get in a good workout at home. The couch and tv are waaaay too close. And so is the refrigerator. And the computer. And the dog. Too many distractions. If I go to the gym I know I'm there for at least an hour so I usually make the best of it. And being a very competitive person, I see all the people around me working out and want to keep up or do better than them. Or at the very least just make it through my hour there.

But tonight I had a good workout at home. And in the process made a few observations about the benefits of working out at home instead of the gym...

1. It doesn't matter what I wear. Sweatpants and an old tank top. Doesn't matter...no one is looking.

2. If I feel like breaking into song I totally can. Or into dance.

3. I don't have to drive home after because I'm already home.

4. I don't have to be embarrassed if I fall off the treadmill.

5. I don't have to worry about the locker room naked people awkwardness.

Lucy, Month Nine

2009-03-23T11:59:00.001-04:00

Lucy,

You have become such a busy baby. Except for the times that you are sleeping you are in constant motion. I am amazed at how you have mastered crawling. You will sometimes kick it into high gear and tear across the floor at nearly a gallop.

Your personality is coming out more than ever now. You have the best giggles. You love to “talk”. Mama and Dada have become some of your favorite words (yea!). You seem to be fearless and have been pulling yourself up quite a bit. You don’t even cry when you bang your head (usually). You really dislike it when mom or dad say no to you. For example when you are crawling toward the heat vent to stick your fingers in it again and we say “no” you immediately stop, look at us and proceed to have a complete meltdown. It would break my heart if it wasn’t so cute. You have also started to become shy when in new situations. When there are a bunch of people around that you don’t know you will get really quiet and your eyes get really big. So sweet.

Things you love right now…mom, dad, ellie, milk, anything with wheels or buttons, tearing up magazines, pulling Kleenexes out of the box, door knobs, opening doors and drawers, feeding yourself big chunks of food, teething biscuits, going to the mall, going for walks outside, finding little holes to stick your fingers in, anything that isn’t a baby toy, baths, sleeping (yippee!), your friend Lena, pulling off your socks, and sucking your thumb.

Things you dislike right now…having your clothes or diaper changed, being spoon fed with pureed foods, getting in your car seat, having your face or nose wiped and being told “no”.

I am a couple days late writing this because we were in Chicago for the weekend on your nine month birthday. It was so much fun to get away as a family, our first vacation together. On the way home your dad and I were talking about how different this vacation was than others we have taken when it was just me and him. Even though it was different and some things were much more challenging, it is somehow so much more complete now that you are here with us.

Sweetie pie, you are such an amazing little person. I have been so blessed watching you grow and change in so many ways these past nine months. You are completely remarkable.

Love,
Mommy

Weekend in Chicago

2009-03-22T20:55:00.003-04:00

We spent the weekend in Chicago! Our first family vacation. Wow, it is way more work with a baby. We loaded up our Jeep on thursday morning with our little family (Me, Jimmy, Lucy and Ellie) and just the bare necessities for a 3 day trip and it absolutely filled that truck.

With the exception of a speeding ticket on the way there, Lucy teething and getting a cold at the same time (fussing, not sleeping at all), me getting a cold, and Jimmy not feeling great, it was a pretty good trip. Ok, we had a rough start but we ended up having a great time.

Thursday we got in to Dena's condo late in the afternoon. We unpacked, got settled in, checked around the condo to make sure everything was ok. It had been rented so we were making sure nothing needed to be fixed. We walked to a little place near the condo for dinner that night. Lucy was so extremely tired and fussy and we didn't take into account the time change which she completely disregarded and wanted to be put in bed at 6:30 Chicago time. So we didn't make it through our meals, had it wrapped up and headed back to the condo.

Friday we went to Shedd Aquarium. Lucy had so much fun looking at all the fish. She was in a much better mood and so happy to be out doing something fun.

Friday night we were invited over to Curtis and Allison's house for dinner. Lucy had so much fun playing with Kaia, their 2 1/2 year old. It was great to see them again. I think it had been over a year since we saw them last.

Saturday was a gorgeous, warm, sunny day. We met Curtis, Allison and Kaia at the Lincoln Park Zoo. I don't know if Lucy saw much of the animals but she loved getting out and seeing all the people. Our friends Channing and Sarah came out to walk around the zoo with us too. It had been a while since we saw them too and this was their first time meeting Lucy.

warm day cuteness

2009-03-18T20:34:00.002-04:00

Temps in the 60's = spending some time outside without pants on.

amy butler inspires me

2009-03-16T21:52:00.010-04:00

really. I mean really really. Her website is full of great ideas. The patterns that I picked out are free to download. I also have her book In Stitches that is also jam packed with great sewing projects. Here is what I am planning on making first for my living room that needs some love...

I had made some using this pattern but I purchased the fabric from JoAnne's and didn't use the actual Amy Butler fabric. I don't like them. So I'm starting over with the real stuff that I purchased from here.

And then I want to make this for Lucy...

Here is the fabric I purchased for the pillows...

And here's the fabric I chose for the cat/bird pattern...

I can't wait to get started on these fun projects. I just learned to sew last spring and have only done a few simple sewing projects. (bathroom curtains, pillows, hemming pants). So wish me luck! Hopefully I haven't gotten in over my head :)

quiet

2009-03-15T20:30:00.002-04:00

I've been a little quiet on my blog. I hope you're not offended. And I hope you will come back to read me again and not just forget all about me. When I started this I tried to commit to posting at least a few times a week and I've already let a week go by and nothing. We'll just say I'm not good with commitment. Ok, maybe I shouldn't put it that way. I am committed to lots of things. My husband, my daughter, my family, work, God.

Speaking of God. I had a good time with Him this morning. We've been struggling getting to church regularly. We haven't found a place that we feel completely at home with. Ok, maybe it was me that didn't find a place to feel at home with yet. We talked yesterday about trying Clarkston Community again. I don't remember if it was me or jimmy that brought it up. This morning I woke up and kind of thought maybe Jimmy would forget about it and we could be lazy and hang around the house, make breakfast, go to Home Depot, etc. (ya know, stuff that now I think about it is so unimportant). But he did bring it up. And we went. And I am so glad we did. After taking another stab at it I really really like the church. I liked the music much more than I remember liking it before. The preacher is amazing. Lucy did good in the nursery. It was just a great experience. So I am excited to make it a habit.

giggle box

2009-03-08T20:35:00.003-04:00

Lucy thinks it is funny to laugh when we laugh. We were at a first birthday party today for her cousin Bryce and every time all of us laughed at something Lucy would join in. She's such a silly little baby!

Oh, and here's a video of her crawling...

dumbfounded.

2009-03-02T11:29:00.003-05:00

Conversation with the waitress last night at dinner.

Waitress: Wow, she is a pretty baby!
Me: Thanks!
Waitress: How old is she?
Me: 8 months and two weeks.
Waitress: My sister has a 15 month. He never cries.
Me: (blank stare)
Waitress: He's a good baby. If he starts fussing she just tells him to stop and he does.
Me: (ugh, here we go)
Waitress: It's because when he was little, like her age (pointing at Lucy), she would just leave a bottle for him, ya know, in his crib and when he would cry at night he would just get a drink on his own and fall back to sleep. You have to, you know, train them.
Me:

Thankfully Lucy did her super cute head shaking back and forth and her loud noises that accompany it to break the silence.

I love parenting advice. Especially from people who aren't parents (insert sarcastic tone here).

content

2009-03-01T10:31:00.001-05:00

Philippians 4:11
“Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”

Such a simple verse. Such a difficult thing to learn.

Being content. Being perfectly happy in any situation you are faced with.

How often have I been truly content in my life? How many times have I longed for something to change. Something new, something different. Forgetting how wonderful everything is in that moment. Then it changes and I look back and wish for it to be like it was.

How many women are longing to become a mother. They see a woman cradling a child and desperately wish it was her, holding their own baby. But they don’t see what the mother has struggled with that day. The hours spent comforting a crying baby, changing messy diapers, not having a moment to herself. The mother might look at that girl without a child with envy. Wishing for the days when they could stay out late, sleep in, hop in her car at a moments notice and meet some friends for coffee.

Lucy is teaching me to be content. This morning my mind was racing with all the things I needed to accomplish today. Work, laundry, cleaning, exercise, the list goes on. My window of time to get a lot done was her morning nap. I can usually count on at least an hour to jam as much as I can get done while she sleeps. She had other plans. I quickly rocked her and laid her down. Not happening. I could see that she was tired so I ran off hoping she would fall asleep on her own. Nope. She needed me. In that moment she needed to be held. I picked her up and plopped down in the rocker again for another try. Trying to put a time limit on how quickly I can put her back down and get to my list. My mind racing about the dirty dishes in the sink, the crumbs on the counter and the hours of work still needing to be finished today. But all I can do is sit. It doesn’t take long and she is nestled on my chest, her breathing slows, her thumb in her mouth and a blanket wadded up in her little hand. And here I am. The dishes don’t matter. The laundry doesn’t matter because this is where I am needed. And this is more important. She is content. And I am finally content.

A few things for today

2009-02-28T12:04:00.002-05:00

• I removed the ice scraper from my car. Even though it is a balmy 12 degrees I've decided that winter is over and I won't be needing it anymore.

• I'm having one of those days where I don't feel like I'm cut out to be a mom.

• I woke up with the most puffy face every today. Not cute.

• I got a walker for Lucy. I know, they aren't safe or whatever. Yes, I am always going to make sure the door is closed to the basement before I put her in it. BTW, she LOVES it. She's getting the walking backwards thing down and giggles when I zoom her around forward.

• Jimmy got home from his work trip at about 6:00 this morning. He's tired but watching Lucy while I work.

• I am back to working full time plus. I keep telling myself that I am so lucky to have a job and a job that I love but it is seriously cutting into my mom job.

• There aren't enough hours in the day.

• I'm in the process of redesigning my blog.

• I really have the itch to decorate the house. But of course, not that I really really want to do it I have absolutely no time. Life is funny that way.

spanx 'n stuff

2009-02-26T11:40:00.002-05:00

There is somthing I'm pondering today. Whenever I see a photo of "shapewear" (ie spanx) the model wearing it is super skinny. They don't in any way need shapewear. Maybe in their effort to sell the product they put in on a skinny model and make us that are in the market for shapewear to think that you will look like the super skinny model if you put on their shapewear. Advertising is very sneaky.

Lucy, Month Eight

2009-02-22T08:55:00.004-05:00

Lucy,

Oh, Sweetie Pie, you are on the move. The second you figured out how to crawl two weeks ago you have been in nonstop motion. You had been trying so hard to figure out how to become mobile and it was so fun seeing it all click. You had been getting on your hands and knees rocking back and forth for a few weeks. Then you figured out that you had to lift one hand to get forward, usually ending in a face plant and lots of crying. Then you started lifting one hand and balancing on one arm and your two legs. And then one day it just clicked. You were so annoyed with me for not letting you put your boots in your mouth and when I put them just a little out of reach you went for them. We both had a look of surprise on our faces! Ever since then there has been no stopping you. I am amazed at how quickly you can get across the room. You seem to only go for items that are clearly not baby toys. Why are power cords so attractive to you? I think you will be learning the word “no” very soon as you hear it a lot now.

I don’t think Ellie is very happy about you crawling. She has made that known by a.) peeing in your room next to your crib and b.) “exerting her dominance” over you (ie…humping). Bad dog.

You have found comfort in pinching me. When you are uncomfortable in any way, you get the tiniest piece of skin that your little fingers can grab and squeeze. We were at a party a few weeks ago for the super bowl with a lot of people you didn’t know and I left with tiny little bruises all over my chest.

You love your swimming class. Your dad has been taking you into the pool every week while I watched from the sidelines. One week he had a hair appointment so I decided to brave putting on a bathing suit for the first time since you were born (ugh) and take you. You were having so much fun that I completely forgot how awful I felt that I looked! LOL. You splash and kick and giggle for almost the entire lesson.

You have become proficient at clapping your hands and waving this month. You especially love to wave at that little baby in the mirror that is in almost every room. Thankfully she waves back. You also love to dance. You shake your head back and forth and flail your arms all around.

You still don’t really want to eat solid foods. There are times when you gobble up more than a tablespoon of food but usually you don’t want to have anything to do with it. You especially dislike the cleanup after meals. Having your face wiped is one of your least favorite things ever and you aren’t shy about letting us know it. You love water. You get so excited any time you get your sippy cup. And you love to drink out of our water glasses too.

In general you are still such a good sleeper*. We are so thankful for that. Sometimes you wake up at night for no real reason other than you just want to keep us on our toes. You are going to sleep around 7:30, wake up about 11:30 to eat and sleep until 6:00. Sometimes you will go back to sleep in our bed if we have a day that we can sleep in. You love to cuddle usually end up kicking, smacking me, and sticking your fingers in my nose and eyes. So you sleep in and I just lay there getting reminded that you are next to me.
*you had about a week of rough nights this month where you just couldn’t sleep at all. I blame teething.

You love, love, love it when your dad comes home from work. You get so excited you practically turn yourself inside out.

Sweetie, I honestly don’t even remember what my life was like before you came. You have changed everything and I am a better person because of it. I love spending time with you and watching you grow and learn. You are the best part of my day!

Love,
Mommy

sleep deprived

2009-02-19T11:08:00.003-05:00

I need to be reminded today that this too will pass.

Lucy has decided that sleeping is no fun when there are so many things around her to discover. This past week she has been a great sleeper between the hours of 8pm and 11:30pm. Almost exactly the time I settle in and fall asleep she wakes up and has no plans on falling back to sleep. Ever. I think we got spoiled with her sleeping 12 hours at night and only waking up for 20 minutes to eat sometime during those 12 hours. I tried not to brag but I did. Now look where that got me. ;)

As a side note...cosleeping isn't helping. She spends all night playing with my nose holes, eyes, hair and kicking me in the gut, "talking", giggling, fussing, etc. Suggestions are welcomed.

Is Kashi health food??

2009-02-17T11:50:00.005-05:00

Kashi has become a common “health food” staple in my pantry over the past several years. While I try to stay away from packaged foods in general the Kashi bars are easy to grab on the go and most of them are pretty yummy. I’ve never purchased this particular GoLean Crunchy Bar but we have them in the office all the time and I have to admit that I have tried them.

I am a “package reader”…I read everything on the packages of food I’m eating because, hey, I like to think about what is going in my body. I don’t care so much about fat and calories as I do the ingredient list. I like my packaged foods to be made out of ingredients that I know and have heard of and I really stay away from anything with high fructose corn syrup and anything with partially hydrogenated oils. Yucky stuff.

So I was pretty surprised to read the list of ingredients on this “healthy” Kashi bar. Lots of things I have never heard of…

SOY PROTEIN ISOLATE, EVAPORATED CANE JUICE CRYSTALS, BROWN RICE SYRUP, CRYSTALLINE FRUCTOSE, OAT FIBER, NONFAT MILK, CORN GRITS, KASHI SEVEN WHOLE GRAINS AND SESAME® BLEND (STONE GROUND WHOLE: HARD RED WINTER WHEAT, OATS, RYE, BARLEY, TRITICALE, LONG GRAIN BROWN RICE, BUCKWHEAT, SESAME SEEDS), MECHANICALLY FRACTIONATED PALM KERNEL OIL, RICE STARCH, WHEAT BRAN, POPCORN, CHICORY ROOT FIBER, VEGETABLE GLYCERIN, EVAPORATED CANE JUICE SYRUP, HONEY, CORN BRAN, COCOA, SALT, CHOCOLATE LIQUOR, CALCIUM CARBONATE, NATURAL FLAVORS, MAGNESIUM OXIDE, SOY LECITHIN, ASCORBIC ACID (VITAMIN C), ALPHA TOCOPHEROL ACETATE (VITAMIN E), ZINC OXIDE, ANNATTO (COLOR), FERROUS FUMARATE (IRON), PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B6), FOLIC ACID AND VITAMIN B12.

First of all, that is a lot of ingredients! Something that stands out to me is that the MAIN ingredient is Soy Protein. Ewww. Not a great way to get your protein but I that should be a whole post on it's own. Next is that the next THREE ingredients are different kinds of sweetener. Hmmm. One "sugar" ingredient that stands out to me is Crystalline Fructose. What is that? It sounds weird so I did some investigating.

Apparently crystalline fructose is produced by allowing the fructose to crystallize from a fructose-enriched corn syrup. (This information is from the sugar website sugar.org) Ah, Whaaaat? That sounds a lot like high fructose corn syrup to me?!

In reading about this ingredient I discovered that crystalline fructose is made from corn just like HFCS and contains 99.5% minimum of fructose assay. That is an even higher percentage of fructose than what makes up High Fructose Corn Syrup (55% fructose). Does that mean that CF is even worse for you than HFCS? Possibly.

And here is the general makeup of this sweetner found on the website fructose.org.

Fructose ≥ 98.0% and £ 102.0%, after drying 
Arsenic ≥ 1 mg/kg 
Chloride ≥ 0.018% 
Glucose ≥ 0.5% 
Heavy metals (as Pb) ≤ 5 mg/kg 
Hydroxymethylfurfural ≤ 0.1%, dry basis
Lead ≤ 0.1 mg/kg 
Loss on drying ≤ 0.5% 
Residue on ignition ≤ 0.5%
Sulfate ≤ 0.025%

What? Arsenic you say? Heavy Metals?

Here is what the LA Times said about the downside of Crystalline Fructose…

“A handful of animal and short-term human studies have supported the possibility that fructose could be responsible for obesity, diabetes, and other conditions, says Mary Ellen Camire, professor of food science and nutrition at the University of Maine in Orono, but the theory is still being debated among nutritional scientists. "We need more and better studies," she says.

Consuming pure fructose may have other strikes against it. A 2005 study by researchers at the University of Kansas Medical Center in Kansas City showed that consuming more than 25 grams of fructose a day often causes gastrointestinal distress, including stomach pain and diarrhea. The majority of American adults consumes more than 50 grams daily, mostly through corn syrup added to processed foods and drinks.”

For big companies it seems to be about the bottom line. Money. Greed. These overprocessed sugars are cheap. They store for a long time on the shelf and because they are so ridiculously sweet it doesn’t take much of it to sweeten a product.

I’m convinced. Another reason to get rid of these so-called health foods in pretty packages and eat as many whole, raw, real foods as possible. Foods I can grow = good. Foods filled with ingredients I have to research to find out what they are = bad.

My baby is like Michael Myers

2009-02-16T13:55:00.004-05:00

I don't mean the comedian. I mean the halloween murderer. Except without the murdering.

You know how in the Halloween movies Michael Myers is walking at a slow steady pace and somehow always manages to catch up to his victims who are at a full on run? That's Lucy. I see her crawling and she looks like a little snail slithering along barely making any progress. But when I turn my back for two seconds and she is somehow halfway across the room with a power cord in her mouth.

And another thing is baby strength. It's amazing. She will grab onto something with those teeny little fingers and it takes all my strength to pry out of her hands whatever object she has grabbed ahold of.

Love is in the air

2009-02-13T13:06:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. We don't have anything "traditionally valentine's romantic" planned (ie dinner, flowers, chocolates, bla bla bla). But we do have my brother coming down to watch Lucy while we go to an afternoon movie! It was actually Jimmy's suggestion to see "Confessions of a Shopaholic". What a sweet husband. I'm sure he wouldn't have picked that if I hadn't mentioned about a thousand times that I wanted to see it. I am a lucky woman.

So today I am hangin' with my Lucy girl and we are baking up a storm. I got this recipe from Martha Stewart Magazine.

One Bowl Chocolate Cupcakes

3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 cup all purpose flour
1 1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
3/4 cup warm water
3/4 cup buttermilk
3 tablespoons safflower oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line standard muffin tins with paper liners. Sift cocoa powder, flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt into large bowl. Add eggs, warm water, buttermilk, oil and vanilla and mix until smooth.
2.Divide batter among 18 muffin cups, filling each 2/3 full. Bake until tops spring back when touched, about 20 minutes. Transfer cupcakes to wire racks and let cool.

Basic Buttercream

12 oz. (3 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
1 lb. confectioners sugar, sifted
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

Beat butter with a mixer on medium-high speed until pale and creamy, about 2 minutes. Reduce speed to medium. Add sugar, 1/2 cup at a time, beating after each addition, about 5 minutes. Add vanilla and beat until buttercream is smooth. Use immediately or cover and refrigerate for up to 3 days.

They turned out good (patting myself on the back). Now for cleaning up that kitchen...

random acts of cuteness

2009-02-12T21:37:00.003-05:00

I just can't help it.

She's on the move

2009-02-11T20:34:00.009-05:00

Oh, man is she on the move. Lucy is crawling all over the place!

She's been thinking about it for the past few weeks. She was getting on all fours and rocking back and forth and scooting backwards (so frustrating). Then it clicked this weekend. On sunday she was getting frustrated with me because I wouldn't let her chew on her boots. I put the boots down a little in front of her and she just went for them. We both looked shocked that she had done it! It has only taken a couple of days for her to really get going and now there is no stopping her. So it looks like Jimmy and I will be spending quite a bit of time babyproofing this weekend!

we're back!

2009-02-11T20:31:00.002-05:00

Yea! My computer is fixed! Just in time too because I got some freelance in that is due on Monday. Whew. My amazingly generous and helpful coworker was able to save all of my files too. I had said quite a few prayers about that one. I had to replace the hard drive and I had an additional hard drive installed to use as a backup drive. No more worries about losing everything!

I miss you, Leon.

2009-02-06T20:16:00.004-05:00

My computer is sick. I mean really really sick. He (Lets call him Leon) started having issues a couple of days ago and it looks like his hard drive is dead. I dropped Leon off at work last night and Brad had been soooo helpful to try to get him back to his old self. More importantly, I am hoping that I haven't lost all of my valuables. Photos, music, photos. It's impossible to replace our honeymoon pictures or pictures of Lucy's birth. Leon, please don't break my heart.

This is a reminder to BACK UP YOUR STUFF.

Adventures in Babywearing: Costco Edition

2009-02-03T15:36:00.001-05:00

I love Costco. We hadn’t been there in ages (ok, at least since the baby was born so we’ve been paying for a membership that we hardly use. That’s besides the point). So we were headed home early from a superbowl party on Sunday and decided to stop to stock up on a few things. I popped Lucy in her carrier facing out (she won’t have It any other way, she loves to see the world around her) and we headed in. Somewhere around the grocery section I noticed someone looking at us. Not just looking but staring. With this troubled look on her face staring. I didn’t think much of it but I noticed her go out of her way to come around another aisle to look at us some more. Strange. I smiled at her and she gave me a very puzzled look and walked away. Hmmm. Very strange. I was thinking that maybe she’s never seen a baby in a carrier before. So we continued on our way filling up our ginormous cart with hugemongous items. We made our way to the registers and were working our way through checkout when someone pointed out something about Lucy. The grocery cart filler laughed and said that it looked like my baby had giant arms. At some point while we were walking through the store I had thought it was a little cold so I put my coat on backwards with my hands through the sleeves to cover Lucy up except for her head. Looking back I now realize why that lady was staring at me. It looked hilarious. It really looked like Lucy had giant full grown woman arms. She must have thought I had some kind of strange looking baby. Still, is there any need to stare? Rude.

doll obsession

2009-02-03T11:51:00.004-05:00

When I was a little girl dolls didn't interest me at all. I would have rather been outside playing in the dirt. But how can one resist these adorable handmade dolls from The Black Apple. They are ridiculously cute! And lately I have been obsessed with all things handmade!

The glass is half full

2009-02-02T13:21:00.004-05:00

I’m trying to think on the bright side. Dealing with a low milk supply has been one of the most difficult things I have been through. I had every intention of breastfeeding and never even considered that the one thing that was supposed to be so natural would be so, well, unnatural. I figured when women didn’t breastfeed their babies that they just hadn’t tried hard enough or had been selfish and given up too early. Having gone through this I will never judge anyone again. While feeding a baby isn’t the only aspect that there is to being a mother, those first few months it is easy for it to take precedence. Food is pretty much the main thing other than love that you can give a tiny infant. While I made every effort to solely breastfeed (and I’m glad that I don’t have any regrets for not trying literally everything) my body had other plans. But I kept on. Instead of having all that bonding time with my baby I was hooked up to a damn machine to pump the few little ounces that would come out per day.

But this isn’t a sob story. As I am a glass half full kind of girl and now that I’m done with all that new mom haze here is what I have discovered. I produced on average 11 ounces per day. That’s certainly not enough to feed a growing person. BUT I did the math…Lucy has been here for 226 days and to date I have produced approximately 2,486 ounces. Not bad when I look at it that way. If I had given up in the beginning when breastfeeding wasn’t going as planned Lucy would have missed out on lots of ounces of her mom’s milk. And as an added bonus she just started to nurse again about a month ago. So yea, while we haven’t had a typical breastfeeding relationship I am so grateful that we have been able to stick with it.

Maybe God has allowed me to go through this to prepare me for my next baby. Maybe I wouldn’t appreciate how precious a nursing relationship can be. Maybe I would have been annoyed if she wanted to nurse all the time. Maybe I would have resented her for making me step out of the room at social events because she wanted to comfort nurse. I pray that if I am able to solely nurse my next baby that I will understand the amazingness of it and cherish every moment.

How does this happen?

2009-01-30T09:15:00.006-05:00

Larger office = More room for mess. Really, how does this happen? It's like a bomb exploded. I need to make a resolution to put things away as I go instead of just stacking every miscellaneous item on my desk! Lucy is about to get swallowed up in the mess!

Ahhh, success!

Looking Back

2009-01-28T20:46:00.004-05:00

I was just going through some old pictures in my iphoto and came across these. I'm so glad we captured this moment. I've never experienced any other moment that has been so life changing. Getting pregnant with Lucy was a surprise and I'm glad it happened that way. The look on my face really shows it. Panic mixed with excitement and surprise. Indescribable.

I don't eat chips

2009-01-27T11:29:00.002-05:00

I am stressed. I don't eat potato chips. but I am stressed and I eat when I am stressed. And there is nothing else to eat in this office. So I have a bag of chips and I am eating them. I'm not going to look at the ingredients. I am just going to eat them and pretend that I am a normal person eating a bag of chips not thinking about what they are made out of. It's a bad day. It must be, I am eating chips.

Waaaawrus

2009-01-26T10:19:00.002-05:00

Have you ever gotten hung up on something that you think is hilarious but you’re the only one?

I had been watching some animal planet program with a British narrator. I love a British accent. It makes everything sound, um, classy. I especially like the way they say Walrus. Waawrus. So I decided to try to work the word Waaawrus into every conversation with my best British accent. It was hilarious. To me.

But I’m not the only one. All weekend Jimmy was singing Kanye’s song “Longer, Better, Faster, Stronger”. You know it “N-n-n-now th-that don’t kill me can only make me stronger. I need you to hurry up now…”. It wasn’t just the song that he was singing but the way he was singing it. He was trying to duplicate all the strange special effects in the song. He would sing it and laugh. Then he would sing the same line over and over and laugh. He was really cracking himself up.

I guess we were mostly cracking ourselves up and not each other so much.

Lucy learned how to clap today

2009-01-25T16:05:00.004-05:00

I've become one of those parents. The kinds who have to tell the whole world anytime their baby does anything. And guess what? I'm totally cool with that.

Things I've learned about being a mom...

2009-01-25T13:30:00.003-05:00

I haven’t been a mom for long but there are a few key important things I have learned in the last 7 months…

1. There is nothing better than when a baby smiles at you for the first time and it’s not gas.
2. Newborns sleep a lot, just not at night.
3. I can hold my pee for longer than I ever thought possible.
4. Pacifiers are not bad when they are needed. Some babies need to suck all the time and it isn’t easy to grocery shop with a baby attached to your boob.
5. Diaper wipes can be used to clean almost anything.
6. I didn’t know how patient I could be.
7. Having a baby changes a marriage. I didn’t expect to fall in love with my husband even more.
8. Never discuss sleeping arrangements or vaccinations. People are strongly opinionated on these topics. It’s like bringing up politics.
9. I never really knew what busy was before I had a baby.
10. It’s good to listen to advice but only follow what feels right for me and my family.
11. Diaper Blowouts only happen when you are ready to head out the door.
12. Packing a baby to run out sometimes takes as long as the time you will be out.
13. I can do almost any household task with a baby strapped to me.
14. I can eat an entire dinner in under 2 minutes.
15. When the doctor tells you it’s ok to resume normal sexual activity in six weeks it’s ok to think that six months won’t be enough time.
16. Don’t always take what the doctor says as the best alternative.
17. Little girls can spray pee too.
18. When the baby is new and you are still getting to know each other it is ok to say no to visitors.
19. Attachment parenting is the best way to parent.

Highs & Lows of 2008

2009-01-24T12:55:00.004-05:00

Highs

_________________________

• welcoming our first baby into our family. The most memorable event in my life so far!

• both my husband and I keeping our jobs in this economy

• sticking with breastfeeding even though it has been a struggle since day one

• making some new friends and getting closer to some old ones

• spending lots of time with family and watching them bond with our little girl

• being able to help out a family in need through the Lighthouse program

• enjoying 12 weeks off of work to get to bond with my little girl and being able to go back to work part time

Lows

_________________________

• the loss of my husband's grandfather. Jimmy and him were special buds

• seeing some of my close family members struggle with health issues

• my boobs being dysfunctional jerks when it came to feeding my new baby

• post partum depression. Seriously, jimmy was about to have me committed

• the economy and all the uncertainty it brought to us, our friends and family

Peas

2009-01-21T20:38:00.002-05:00

She ate peas!! We’ve been trying to get her to eat solids and she finally has been showing some interest!! The peas has been one of her favorites so far. That’s my girl...eatin’ her veggies ;).

Oh, and I don’t know why people buy baby food in jars. I bought some as backup (organic, of course) and that stuff is expensive! I spent some time this weekend steaming veggies, pureeing it and freezing it in little ice cube trays. So easy.

Lucy, Month Seven

2009-01-21T20:28:00.001-05:00

Lucy,

Has it really been 7 months already? You are developing quite a big personality! It is fun to see you learn new things. Every time you learn something new you will do it almost constantly for several days and then move onto the next thing.

We are still on “tooth watch 09”. Nothing yet. You go through times when you are trying so hard for those things to make an appearance. You will gnaw on a toy like crazy until you are yelling at the toy for daring to make your gums hurt. One week they will really be bugging you and then the next week it all just seems to go away and still no teeth.

You still aren’t very interested in eating solids. We keep tryin’, you keep spitting it out, screaming, or just spreading it all over your face, head, clothes, and mommy.

You are the sweetest little cuddly love bug first thing in the morning. You don’t wake up crying. I usually find you in your crib on all fours looking around. When I pick you up you are so genuinely happy to see me. You give me a big open mouth toothless grin and it makes me melt. Then I walk you in to our room and you see your dad and your little face lights up again.

You started babbling this month. You love “talking” to us especially when it is time for you to go to bed. You lay there telling us stories in your own language. Your favorite words sound like “NaNaNaNa” and I am trying so hard to turn that into a “MaMaMaMa”. You also started shaking your head back and forth. I think you might have just realized that your head moves that way.

You are finding your own way of getting around. I can’t put you down on the floor and walk away for even a minute without finding you all the way across the room. Your dad and I are seriously needing to baby proof this house. You roll like a maniac and have started getting on your hands and knees and scooting backwards. I usually find you jammed under the coffee table (where you are surprisingly content) or stuck in a corner (which makes you mad mad mad). You are perfecting your sitting up skill. Rarely do you topple over anymore unless you are reaching really far for something.

You love when we read you books. As soon as we get one out your arms and legs start flailing around and you grin. You look back and forth between the book and whoever is reading it. I hope this passion for reading continues!

You started swimming classes this month at our gym! You really like the water and the interaction with the other babies. The instructor even dunked you under the water at your first class! You came up with look of surprise on your face but didn’t seem to mind it at all! You are the youngest and teeniest one in your class. Everyone commented on how adorable you are in your little pink bathing suit.

Lucy, I am far from being a perfect. I am trying my hardest to do what is best for you. You have made my job easy by being such a good, happy baby. I am so lucky that God picked me to be your mom.

Love,
Mommy

OH NO, I'VE BECOME A BLOGGER?!

2009-01-16T14:00:00.000-05:00

So, this is something that I have been wanting to start for some time now. Years, in fact. Oh, you didn’t know this about me. Well, I’m sure there are lots of things you don’t know about me so this blog might fill you in on some of that stuff. So after thinking about starting this blog I figured now is as good of a time as any. Now, when I am totally and completely overwhelmed with being a new mom. Brilliant. Anyways, welcome to my blog! I'm glad you're here.