our miscarriage story - part 3 - waiting is torture

I had some time alone in the ultrasound room to make some phone calls. I called Jimmy, of course. He left his meeting and got in the car to meet me at home. After a little while the doctor and ultrasound tech came back in the room to talk to me about my options. I didn't really process much of what was said so I asked for a week to process everything and do some research.

On the way home I started making phone calls to my family and close friends. Not easy. During this process I've realized that I'm not the only one losing a baby. My husband lost a child. Our parents lost a grandchild. My grandma lost a great grandchild. Even though it is my body that has to go through all of this, it isn't just about me.

I got home, started doing some reading on what is involved with a D&C, what will happen if I try to go through this naturally, and made some phone calls and sent some emails. I sent an email to Courtenay (who is my go-to person for all things natural pregnancy and birth related). She is so knowledgeable on the whole process. She gave me some ideas to speed up the inevitable. High doses of Vitamin C, homeopathic Caullophylum and Cimicifugia, blue and black cohosh, and making sure I support my immune system by taking elderberry and red clover. She told me that the reason the doctors lean towards doing a D&C is that they are afraid of infection and the secondary reason is a very rare bleeding disorder caused by tissue remaining in there too long. Both very rare, but can happen.

I already had an ob appointment set for Monday so they kept that for me to go back in and talk with the doctor about my options. Jimmy was off work yesterday for MLK day so he was able to to with me (what a relief). The doctor was again amazing (I continue to be impressed with my doctors in this office). She again gave me my options but was totally understanding with me wanting to avoid the D&C. She told me what to watch out for...if I need to call the doctor and go to the ER. I'm praying to avoid that, obviously. She also told me about how much the waiting process can wear on you. That sometimes getting it over with is better on your emotions. That I can totally understand. I still would like to avoid surgery if at all possible. She sent me home with a prescription for strong pain meds and an appt. to have blood work done again in a week and to see her again in two weeks.

So now I wait. Every little cramp that happens I think "oh no, this is it". We were invited to the pistons game on Friday night and went. A little distraction is nice. But the whole time I was thinking about how awful it would be to have it happen at the palace. To leave what is left of my baby in the public bathroom. We also went to a wedding on saturday night. I don't want to spend the next several weeks sitting around the house waiting for this terrible thing to happen. It will make me crazy.